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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28067739">the seventh thing</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedawnbeforethesunrise/pseuds/sunflowersforhyuck'>sunflowersforhyuck (thedawnbeforethesunrise)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>neo culture polytechnic institute [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Bickering, College Clubs, Coming of Age, Dance Team, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, I tried to be funny, Kai cameo, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan is a Little Shit, M/M, Mean Haechan, NCT Dream Ensemble-centric, Petty Haechan, Sexual Humor, Slow Burn, donghyuck fumbles with feelings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:07:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>26,085</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28067739</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedawnbeforethesunrise/pseuds/sunflowersforhyuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Resonance dance team member Donghyuck likes to test his limits, on the stage and with his friends, and no one knows this more than the recipient of his constant teasing, team captain Mark Lee. </p><p>(alternatively: Donghyuck chooses violence when it comes to Mark, each and every single time. Mark just wants him to choke on his own tongue. Every day is a little different for them.)</p><p>College dance team buds feat. ot23</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Jeno/Mark Lee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>neo culture polytechnic institute [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2056056</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>240</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the seventh thing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>a lovely day for some bickering markhyuck :) </p><p>My favorite part of their friendship is that at any point, they could be doting on each other or ripping each other apart, gleaming teeth and all. </p><p>I hope you enjoy my rendition of dancing tom and jerry but with kpop boys who don't know I exist. </p><p>((also pls ignore that the ages make no sense...pretend the older members are doing postbaccs or chasing masters' degrees fksdfsak))</p><p><a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1S5nXKQ5xJQ2wC8VPP1dT1">the playlist</a><br/>Title inspo: 7 Things by Miley Cyrus</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>As you continue to live your life...</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>When you make decisions,</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Do what you need to, or whatever happens, open up to me.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Honestly, I'll be ready to be there for you,</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Whatever the situation is. </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>I'll try very hard for that. </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>—Mark to Haechan, "To You #2" video. </p><p> </p><p>✌✌</p><p> </p><p>The thing is, Donghyuck knows exactly where Mark is and what Mark is doing, but he’ll still be pissed off when the boy rolls up late. </p><p>Knowing the facts? That doesn’t justify anything, nor does it temper his irritation. It’s a cold October evening, the kind that forces Donghyuck into a thick jacket and a hoodie, and he’s sitting outdoors on a wooden bench. He’s seen two of the local buses stop by, opening their doors for him to enter, but he’s waved them off, awkwardly smiling. </p><p>Anyone else doing this to him would’ve been ditched and mercilessly teased the next day. But this is Mark, so Donghyuck sticks it out for the sake of best friends. Donghyuck is loyal, even if he is a pain in the ass on a good day and a raging bitch on a bad one. </p><p>He clicks his tongue and sighs irritably. There is only so much he can take. </p><p>Then he hears the familiar jingle of keys and huffed breathing. Clenching his jaw, Donghyuck rises from the bench, ass a little numb, and he tucks hands into his coat pockets. “You’re late, hyung.” </p><p>Mark looks the same as always. His hair is freshly blond, crisp and icy against the coming fall, and his softer features, round eyes and stuck-out ears, contrast with his more angular qualities: strong jaw, square chin and shoulders. He’s dressed in this huge black jacket with shearling, wearing a gray long sleeve that’s slightly pulled to the left, revealing fair skin on collarbones. Donghyuck doesn’t miss how mussed his hair is, the pink on his cheeks and the kissed red of his lips. </p><p>He doesn’t even let Mark speak. “You look a little wet.” </p><p>“Huh? Wet?” Mark frantically looks down as he pats himself. </p><p>“Yeah, you know, because you got your dick wet with another one of your boys.” </p><p>Mark’s face drops to something hard, lips pressing together. “Fuck off.” </p><p>It’s the truth and both of them know it. Donghyuck can’t quite remember the name, Daniel maybe, but he’s certain that Mark had told him about this new guy he met in class. Mark’s type is plain to the eye, meaning he gravitates towards the same kind of man every single time; his taste is so consistent, Donghyuck finds it impressive. </p><p>“I’m starving from waiting for you out in the cold, so I’m <em> ecstatic </em> to get a fully paid meal.” Donghyuck raises his eyebrows, licking his lips. “That’s what I’m getting, right, Mark hyung?” </p><p>Mark falters, guilt seeping through his stiff posture. “Sorry you were waiting.” </p><p>“No, no, please. The longer I wait, the more I eat. So really, I’m sorry for <em> you </em>.” Donghyuck shrugs, turning on his heel to walk. “Let’s go.” </p><p>“I swear to God, I don’t know how we’re still friends…” Mark mumbles to no one, but he picks up his pace to shove his shoulder into the other boy. </p><p>In return, Donghyuck throws an arm over his shoulders, tugging a little too hard. Mark nearly falls over, but the sound of his yelp is second to Donghyuck’s laugh. </p><p>“I ask myself that all the time.” </p><p> </p><p>✌✌</p><p> </p><p>Mark likes the charismatic type. </p><p>Not necessarily a body-builder, I Run the Gym type of man. Mark likes the timid and muscular ones, the popular guy in high school. He likes the main love interest in every romantic comedy and the guy that’ll coolly throw a jacket over his shoulders. In short, Mark wants to be the protagonist of a passionate love story. </p><p>Or that’s what Donghyuck likes to say when he’s teasing him about it. </p><p>“How many times has it been now, Mark? Three times? Five?” Donghyuck has a curl to his lips, his own brand of dangerous. “I’ve been left outside to wait for your horny ass five times.” </p><p>“It wasn’t five times! Stop exaggerating.” </p><p>“Oh? You think I’m joking?” Donghyuck very carefully pulls out his phone from his back pocket, unlocking it without looking. “Let me just pull up my calendar. I’ve marked it every time you’ve been late.” </p><p>Mark squints at him. “You’re lying.”</p><p>“You know me better than that, come on now.” Donghyuck tut-tuts, watching the way Mark is boiling inside. “I always keep my facts straight.” </p><p>“You’re insufferable.” </p><p>“But you love it.” </p><p>“Okay! Well.” Renjun claps his hands together loudly. “I had a fantastic weekend. Jaemin and I went to watch the student documentaries at the film school’s big screening.” </p><p>“They were pretty good.” Jaemin nods, sipping his iced Coke. “I really liked the one about social media and exploitation.” </p><p>They’re eating lunch at a Korean restaurant, dishes halfway finished by now. Donghyuck’s main friend group, formed around the end of his freshman year at Neo Tech, consists mainly of people from his dance team, Resonance. Jaemin and Renjun are third years like him, while Mark is the oldest, an old and greying fourth year. </p><p>Jeno, another third year, is coughing into his rice. “You guys went together?” </p><p>“Yeah, what about it?” Renjun is searching for something in his drink. Jaemin has decided to squint intently at his phone. </p><p>“I mean—nothing.” Jeno diverts. “Chenle and I were working through the choreo for this week’s workshop.” </p><p>“I did all the work. You were too busy fussing over the first couple of moves.” Chenle, one of two second years, teasingly shakes his head, spooning soup into his mouth. </p><p>As they bicker, Donghyuck quietly pulls out his phone. </p><p>
  <em> <span class="">DONGHYUCK: So did you fuck?</span> </em>
</p><p>From his right side, Donghyuck hears Renjun’s phone ping with a notification. He pretends to be scrolling through social media as he waits for Renjun to read, groan, and reply.</p><p>
  <em> <span class="">RENJUN: I dont move that fast, you perv.</span> </em>
</p><p><em>DONGHYUCK: werent you the one who said you wanted to fuck him a few nights ago? :)</em> </p><p>There’s a kick to his shin. Donghyuck grunts a little, but smiles through the pain. From above the top of his phone, he sees Mark look at him quizzically. Renjun smiles to himself.  </p><p>
  <em> <span class="">RENJUN: I was drunk and incoherent</span> </em>
</p><p>
  <em>DONGHYUCK: I think you mean your natural state </em>
</p><p>“Fuck you. I hope your dick falls off.” Renjun hisses darkly. Donghyuck has to bite back a laugh. Jeno and Chenle are now demonstrating a few moves to the others, asking them for feedback on whose are better. Jaemin looks only slightly interested, but the other second year Jisung is actually trying to help them. Mark is still looking at Donghyuck, to which the boy finally addresses. </p><p>“You see something you like, Mark?” </p><p>Mark scoffs, picking at his food. “Not everyone is as interested in you as you think.” </p><p>“Ouch. That hurts. Do it again, I like it.” Donghyuck parts his lips and smiles. </p><p>He relishes in the way Mark flushes and then promptly turns away. </p><p>“I don’t know how the two of you exist together like this.” Renjun sighs, going back to eating. “The amount of bickering you guys do is honestly an inhuman feat.” </p><p>“It’s what keeps me alive.” Donghyuck sighs dreamily. “The wonders of argument.” </p><p>Mark is rolling his eyes. “You just like to pick fights. Can’t you have normal friendships?” </p><p>“I would say this is a very normal friendship. It’s quite healthy to argue. It means we’re close.” </p><p>“If you mean close to killing each other, sure.” Mark raises an eyebrow.</p><p>“You’d like to kill me? I’d like to see you try.” Donghyuck’s eyes glint, fueling a flame inside of him. “Let’s dance, church boy.” </p><p>It’s the last straw. Mark lunges across the table and everyone starts shouting. Donghyuck pretends to gag and choke, but he’s laughing in between at the stormy expression on Mark’s face. It’s a treasure, a treat. Making Mark irritated is fun. </p><p>“We’re gonna get kicked out again.” Jeno says exasperatedly, hands grabbing for Mark’s outstretched arms. </p><p>Hood up, Jisung slides down in his chair. “Why do I associate with you people?” </p><p> </p><p>✌✌</p><p> </p><p>Every Friday, Resonance holds its weekly workshop. </p><p>Original choreography is taught at these workshops, made fresh (and sometimes last minute) by the dance team members. As an audition-based team, and one of Neo Tech’s most popular, it’s a fairly exclusive dance crew with about twenty one members. Every year, they pick up a little more. Donghyuck’s freshman year was one of the biggest generations with five new members. He likes to believe he was the best one in that group. </p><p>It’s also the year he met Mark. At the time, Mark wasn’t one of Resonance’s team captains yet; he was only an intern for the leadership team, a board of some of the best dancers in Resonance. Donghyuck remembers their first conversation fairly well: Mark, a smile on his face and a greeting ready on his tongue, had asked Donghyuck what kind of dancing he liked to do, right before Donghyuck had shown off his best moves during the freestyle warm up. Right after, he had challenged Mark to a dance off and nearly won. He admits Mark might be better at dancing, just a little. </p><p>The singular thought that Donghyuck had at the time was that Mark is like a cute and clueless lamb, and he can’t resist an easy target. That was the start of their friendship, Mark begrudgingly accepting that Donghyuck will never leave him alone and Donghyuck happily doing as he pleases. </p><p>Fast forward a few years, and now they’re best friends. It’s an interesting development. </p><p>When he strolls onto campus grounds to the workshop location, an open plaza space just outside the arts school, the first thing he sees is Renjun and Jaemin, huddled close and bundled up against the autumn winds. Donghyuck himself is pretty wrapped up, black hoodie with the hood up and his team jacket thrown over it. </p><p>As he approaches them, he doesn’t fail to notice the way Renjun’s arm is looped around Jaemin’s forearm. A phone is held between them. </p><p>“What are y’all looking at?” </p><p>“Jesus <em> Christ </em>, Donghyuck!” Renjun startles, knees buckling. Jaemin coughs violently, stepping away. “Don’t scare me like that!” </p><p>“I wasn’t trying to. You just startle easy.” Donghyuck smiles. </p><p>Renjun glares, a piercing gaze that tells all. Donghyuck knows he was interrupting some tender moment, but he could care less. He slings his arms around the both of them. “What are we watching?” </p><p>“SKZ’s performance at last year’s South Dance.” Jaemin taps the play button on Renjun’s phone screen. The frozen dancers move into action. “They’re so clean, it’s insane.” </p><p>“Don’t remind me. That was a disaster last year.” Donghyuck groans, eyes rolling to the sky. “I can’t believe we fucked up the last piece so badly.” </p><p>South Dance is the biggest dance competition of the year, always in the spring. It’s an invitational, and Resonance goes every year as the representative for their university. They’ve had their fair share of wins, but last year, Ten got food poisoning and it fucked up the entire set. The night before, they reworked all of the songs, shifting formations, and someone had to take over Ten’s solo section in the last piece. Needless to say, despite Resonance’s reputation as a reputable dance team, they suffered from that performance.</p><p>Renjun shakes his head furiously, eyes fluttering close. “Let’s not talk about it. I don’t wanna remember how much I messed up.” </p><p>“At least you didn’t forget the new formations.” Jaemin mumbles, rubbing at his face. “I almost knocked Sicheng off the stage.” </p><p>They laugh at the memory. More people from the team start to shuffle into the plaza, greeting the three boys. Ten and Johnny show up together with hot coffee cups in their hands. Donghyuck doesn’t hesitate to throw himself onto Ten, Resonance’s creative director and his big on the team. New members are given a big, someone to look over them and mentor them. Freshman year Donghyuck got lucky with Ten. He knows anyone else would’ve been fed up with him. </p><p>Taeyong, Doyoung, and Kun follow afterwards. Taeyong is the executive director of Resonance, the one in charge of everything. Together with Ten, they’re the two de facto leaders of the team. He’s infamous in the dance community, and the gossip that goes around the team is that he’ll end up dancing professionally or becoming a choreographer. If someone asked Taeyong, though, he would tell you he still wants to run a pet cafe, which is why he’s pursuing a masters in business. He greets them before going to set up the speakers and mics for the workshop. </p><p>Ten minutes before the hour, most of the team is present, with some freshmen and first timers. Workshop is open to everyone except for the weeks they have guest teachers, but this early in the school year, the workshops are mainly for recruiting new members; anyone can participate to get a taste for the vibe of the team. Jeno and Chenle are probably tucked away in some corner of an art building, going over and rehearsing the piece they’ll be teaching tonight. </p><p>Donghyuck is busy trying to show Yangyang a new combo he learned from Ten when he sees Mark heading towards them—with a new boy.</p><p>Just from the looks of it, this one seems much older. Tan flesh is pulled taut on high cheekbones and a square jaw, accentuated with plump lips. He’s lean with long legs, but broad on top with angular shoulders. His hair is tastefully windswept, dark strands ruffled like they’re meant to be that way. Mark’s frame is shadowed by the man’s expensive pea coat. In other words, the new boy checks off all of the boxes. </p><p>“Who’s that?” Hendery pipes up, peering over Donghyuck’s shoulders to get a look.</p><p>“I think I saw him with Mark earlier when I was coming from class. They were getting coffee, I think?” Yangyang supplies.</p><p>“Don’t know what for. Mark can’t take the taste.” Donghyuck scoffs. “He’s just another one of Mark’s boys.” </p><p>“Holy <em> shit </em>.” Renjun barrels into Donghyuck’s back, pulling a grunt from the boy. Jaemin follows, sidling up next to him. “That’s Jongin Kim.” </p><p>“Jongin Kim?”</p><p>Jaemin is staring. “He used to be in Elyxion when he was in college. He graduated a few years ago or something. He’s crazy good, like when he was an undergrad he always won the inter-school dance offs.” </p><p>They all stare in silence as Mark laughs loudly at something Jongin says. It takes Donghyuck a second to realize that the mystery man is dressed in typical dancer attire, slim fit sweatpants and sneakers; he’s planning on joining this workshop. It bothers Donghyuck, a feeling akin to a gnat flitting past noisily or something pointy on his clothes poking him. He ignores it, shrugging his shoulders and cracking his neck. “Let’s see how good he is.” </p><p>Turns out, Jongin is not just good; he’s incredible. During the workshop, with Jeno and Chenle at the front teaching, he was picking up the choreography like he made it. As expected from an Elyxion alum; in their prime, they were the best collegiate dance crew in this part of the state. Donghyuck can’t believe he didn’t recognize Jongin earlier. They were both standing in the middle of everybody, following the moves closely, and something stirred inside him, made him try a little harder and focus more intently than usual. Every few minutes or so, Mark’s giggle would float by; he was on the other side of Jongin, laughing about God knows what. It only made Donghyuck try harder. </p><p>When they all performed the piece in groups at the end, Jongin was stunning. No one could even come close to him. Donghyuck could almost see the hearts shooting out of Mark’s eyes. </p><p>It’s the first time Mark has brought one of his boys to something dance team related. It doesn’t sit right with Donghyuck, makes him feel like something is wedged into the wrong place, but he keeps silent. </p><p>At the end of workshop, Donghyuck is busy arguing with Renjun about something, the others looking on in amusement, when Mark strolls over with Jongin. “Hey guys, this is Jongin.” </p><p>“You’re such a good dancer.” Chenle speaks immediately. “I mean, I think that’s pretty obvious considering who you are.” </p><p>Jongin laughs. “No, no, please. I just enjoy doing it.” </p><p>After they exchange pleasantries, the group decides to walk to get milk tea at a nearby boba shop. It’s one of the things they do after workshop besides going to get fast food. The shop is close to campus, and despite the autumn chill, they’re still willing to go. Donghyuck bumps into Mark as he takes big strides to throw an arm around Chenle, pulling him in. When he turns back to look, Mark’s glare makes him smile. </p><p>They’re sprawled out in chairs, sitting in the open seating area right outside of the boba place. A sloppily made ring of people forms with several Resonance team members and two newcomers, Shotaro and Sungchan. Conversations cut into each other, laughs and cries of recognition running through the space. Donghyuck’s hands cradle his cold cup, letting the condensation and icy milk tea numb his fingers. He’s sitting next to Renjun, who nurses a hot cup of tea, head thrown carelessly on Jaemin’s shoulder.</p><p>Jongin and Mark enter the circle, one hand holding drinks and the other holding each other. Donghyuck pretends he doesn’t notice. </p><p>The only open seats are right next to him, and Mark is practically dragged into the chair closest to Donghyuck. While Jongin is pulled into conversation with Ten and one of the other captains, Sicheng, Donghyuck yanks hard on Mark’s arm to bring him in close. </p><p>“Where’d you meet this one?” </p><p>Mark sighs deeply, fiddling with his drink. “I attended one of his classes that he was teaching at KAI dance studio.” </p><p>“Oh? I didn’t know you were a ‘fuck my teacher’ kind of guy.” </p><p>“Shut up, <em> please </em>.” Mark shoves him and Donghyuck laughs. “He might hear you.”</p><p>“Well, if you’re worried about him hearing that, then I’m concerned about what he’ll learn later.” </p><p>“What does that even mean?” Mark looks mildly horrified, narrowed eyes failing to conceal his fear. It’s beautiful. </p><p>Donghyuck only smiles sweetly, bringing a hand to pet the back of Mark’s head. “Mark dear, you are quite the person.”</p><p>“Donghyuck. I swear, if you say something stupid—” </p><p>Mark tenses as Donghyuck snuggles in close, gripping his arm in a painfully tight hold. It’s something that Mark absolutely hates, at least with Donghyuck. “Come on, Mark. You know I would never do that to you.”</p><p>“No, you <em> would </em> and that’s why I’m asking you to not!” Mark is hissing, shoving Donghyuck off. </p><p>The devil takes the form of Donghyuck Lee every day, just to toy with Mark. “All I’m saying is that he doesn’t know everything about you.” </p><p>“Well, maybe that just takes time, and <em> you </em> don’t need to speed it up for us.”</p><p>“Who said I would?” </p><p>“<em> Please </em>, Hyuck.” </p><p>“Are you begging? Do it on your knees and I might—” </p><p>Mark punches him in the arm and Donghyuck recoils in pain. There’s a steely gloss to Mark’s eyes, and for a second Donghyuck’s shred of a guilty conscience is meekly asking if he should apologize. He doesn’t of course, opting to drink his milk tea instead. </p><p>Eventually, someone starts a game. The haphazardous circle comes together as one group when Lucas suggests they play a round of paranoia. It’s an easy game to play, centered around everyone’s terribly unattended social anxiety. Donghyuck thrives off of both fear and his brilliant wit in coming up with horrible and embarrassing questions. </p><p>They go counterclockwise. Lucas whispers a question to Hendery, and when the boy announces “Jongin'' in a heartbeat, they roshambo. There’s a collective hush when Jongin loses, Hendery sitting back in satisfaction; since he won, the question is unrevealed. They continue in order, Hendery asking Taeil a question, and then Taeil asking Jisung. Taeil had chosen Taeyong for someone who would stop on the street to steal a cute dog, and Jisung nearly lost his mind trying to answer Taeil’s question. Ultimately, they don’t find out what exactly Chenle is chosen for, but judging by Jisung’s red ears, Donghyuck can only imagine. </p><p>When it’s Renjun’s turn, Donghyuck raises his eyebrows at him. “Give me a good question, Huang.” </p><p>He gets swatted. Renjun’s breath tickles his ear as he whispers, “Who do you think has a choking kink?” </p><p>“Mark Lee.” Donghyuck immediately blurts to the circle. </p><p>Everyone starts to chatter, wondering what exactly the question is. Donghyuck turns to grin winningly at Mark, whose face is scrunched in concentration as he attempts to figure out if he’s about to be exposed. </p><p>When they roshambo, Donghyuck’s paper loses to Mark’s scissors. Mark earns the privilege of finding out the question, though he would argue that it’s anything but. </p><p>“Oh no, please.” Mark mumbles to himself, leaning over and rubbing a hand over his face. </p><p>Donghyuck, though, is quite cheerful in contrast. “The question was, who do you think has a choking kink?” </p><p>Surprised laughter and gasps ring out as Mark buries his head in his knees, Donghyuck leaning over him to laugh. Jongin looks nonplussed, but he sticks an arm around Mark to comfort him. </p><p>They go around the circle again. Some of the questions are pure, like when Sicheng picks Sungchan as the person he thinks did the best at workshop today, or Doyoung saying Jeno has the best facials. Nearly everyone doubles over at Ten’s confession to Taeyong, the question being who would you want in your ideal threesome. Johnny hadn’t said anything, merely nodding silently. </p><p>They switch up seats at some point. Donghyuck ends up sandwiched between Ten and Taeil, and he happily drapes himself over Taeil as the night goes on. Jongin is sitting somewhere next to Jisung, and Mark laughs loudly next to Jungwoo as the questions fly by unrevealed. </p><p>Donghyuck is wide awake when Ten’s question floats into his drowsy consciousness: “Who do you think still gets wet dreams?” </p><p>He considers the question seriously, but when he sees Mark watching him, the answer automatically spits out of his mouth. “Mark.” </p><p>There’s a chorus of inquisitive and interested noises from around the circle, a few people smiling at Mark’s darkening expression. Something spikes through Donghyuck, a feeling simultaneously warm and exciting, when he smiles at Mark and Mark gives him the finger. “This’ll be good.” Jungwoo snickers, patting Mark’s shoulder. Ten looks almost guilty as he laughs along with everyone else. “Sorry, Mark. I had to ask Donghyuck.” </p><p>They shake their fists into the air. Tied scissors.</p><p>Again. Tied rock.</p><p>Donghyuck pulls out rock again and Mark wins with paper. </p><p>It’s exactly the outcome Donghyuck wants. The devastation on Mark’s face is so funny, Donghyuck barks out a laugh. “The question was...who do you think still gets wet dreams?” </p><p>There’s a loud burst of laughter as Mark brightens to a red that Donghyuck has never seen before. The sight of it makes something curl in the pit of his stomach. Ten launches out of his seat, smiling wide and crying out his apologies to Mark as he goes to wrap him in a hug. Some others chide Ten for even asking the question. </p><p>Then Donghyuck takes it too far. “I mean, honestly, it is what it is. I guess if Jongin didn’t know, he would’ve found out sooner or—”</p><p>It happens so fast, he doesn’t even have time to comprehend that he’s being dragged out of his chair and heaved to his feet. The circle makes different sounds this time, some of surprise and others hushed discomfort as Mark manhandles Donghyuck out of the group and towards the bathroom a distance away. Donghyuck is fighting the iron grip on the front of his jacket as he flails against Mark’s sudden show of strength. </p><p>The bathroom door bangs open as Mark kicks it and throws Donghyuck against the wall.</p><p>The impact pulls out a choked sound and then Mark is up in Donghyuck’s face. </p><p>“I fucking <em> warned </em> you. I asked you to <em> stay out of it </em>.” </p><p>“Hey, look, let’s—” </p><p>Mark pushes Donghyuck’s chest, making his brain shake. “You crossed the line, Donghyuck. No, not even that. You fucking <em> erased </em> it and then threw me out there to be humiliated!” </p><p>“I wasn’t trying to! I was just teasing but—”</p><p>“But what? What are you gonna say to that? You always do this shit and I take it most of the time, but not like <em> that </em>.” Mark is pointing, jabbing, spitting knives. “That was not okay, Hyuck.” </p><p>“Well, you can’t deny it. It’s the truth.You had a wet dream in college.” Donghyuck reasons smoothly.</p><p>Mark yells out in frustration. “That wasn’t for you to share! That’s <em> my </em> story, my embarrassing moment, and you just announced it to him!” </p><p>“<em> Okay </em>, I shouldn’t have said that, but honestly, Mark hyung.” Donghyuck winces at the pain in his back. “He’s not going to stick around long anyway. You rotate them out like clockwork.” </p><p>It’s silent, long enough that the words sink in and stick to Donghyuck like a bad stench.</p><p>“Fuck you. Actually fuck you.” Mark looks almost hurt in his rage.</p><p>And then Donghyuck wonders in his clear conscience, not the meek voice in the back of his mind, if he’s truly crossed a line this time. His eyes dart a quick pattern around Mark’s tensed jaw and searing gaze before he’s opening his mouth. “Mark—”</p><p>“Save it. Don’t even try. I know it won’t mean anything.” </p><p>A frustrated hand comes up to slam on the bathroom wall before Mark is yanking open the door and rushing out. </p><p>What’s left in his place is filled with Donghyuck’s heavy breaths.</p><p> </p><p>✌✌</p><p> </p><p>“You’re a fucking idiot.” </p><p>Chenle bops him hard on the head. Donghyuck grits his teeth and hisses in pain. Even through his favorite hoodie, he can feel the imprint of Chenle’s fist on his skull. “Don’t remind me.” </p><p>“I think I should. I love Mark too much to not let you know.” Chenle smiles pleasantly, dropping into the seat across from him. “He doesn’t send his regards, by the way.”</p><p>“Why would he?” Donghyuck rolls his eyes. </p><p>They’re in the library to study. It’s been nearly a week since the workshop and Donghyuck’s moment with Mark in the bathroom. Usually things like that don’t bother Donghyuck as much, forever stubborn and fierce in his belief that he’s always right, but this time, it’s like Mark has taken a knife and cut across his thick skin, peeling it back to expose him. The more Donghyuck dwells, the more he realizes the gravity of what he’s done. He hates feeling this way. It makes him want to scream at Mark and scream at himself. The tension builds, pulling at the seams, and he can’t fix his frustration unless he talks to the guy. </p><p>But Mark is avoiding him.</p><p>Renjun is also studying with them. He’s organizing some of his errant papers. “You should apologize, Hyuck. That was kind of messed up.” </p><p>“Spare me the lecture, please. I already got chewed out by big brother.” </p><p>“Oh, and you don’t think you deserve it?” Renjun isn’t glaring, but his gaze is so piercing, it makes Donghyuck feel naked. </p><p>“I never said that.” He mumbles, choosing to go back to his unfinished program. </p><p>It’s midterm season at Neo Tech. The library has many floors, but Donghyuck always likes to study at the basement level because it’s the most quiet. It’s a little ironic since he never shuts up, but computer science is difficult enough with all of the chatter on screen. He doesn’t need to overhear other peoples’ definitively more interesting conversations; it’ll only pull his attention away. He’s moving fast, clicking back and forth between windows to look at his assignment, and then sighing when he finds the program refuses to run. </p><p>He slams the laptop closed after saving and throws himself on top. He can’t focus anyway; there’s no point in trying. It’s like his brain has put up stubborn gates that won’t budge, for one reason or another. Plus, his most productive hours are usually early in the morning with a Red Bull and a snack, so why bother trying now?</p><p>“You’re being noisy.” Renjun quietly mutters. </p><p>Donghyuck makes a valiant half-assed attempt to kick Renjun’s bony shin. It works. “Leave me alone. I’m having a bad day.” </p><p>“Just let him be. He’s sulking about Mark.” Chenle throws in, a glint in his eyes. </p><p>“No one asked you to broadcast fake news.” Donghyuck retorts. </p><p>Chenle blinks furiously, innocent as he extends arms to the world. “Am I wrong? You’re clearly thinking about something that isn’t school. And you just fought with your best friend.” </p><p>“Whatever.” Donghyuck wants to throw something. </p><p>Renjun chortles in disbelief. “Just admit you’re feeling guilty for once in your life and apologize.” </p><p>It’s not that Donghyuck doesn’t want to. He just can’t imagine how it would go down. Anyone who knows Donghyuck or has fought with him knows that he doesn’t say sorry. He waits it out, lets the smoke and flames die, and then he’ll stroll up to you with an arm thrown around your shoulders and start talking again. This usually works, or the other person gives in and asks for a truce. </p><p>“Hey, you know how Mark is.” Chenle twirls a hand in the air. “He’s just as stubborn as you are. And honestly, <em> you </em> should say something because you’re the one who fucked up.” </p><p>“Yeah, lay it on thick, please. Keep going, Dad.” Donghyuck rolls his eyes and tugs his sweatshirt hood over his face. </p><p>“Why do you always bully Mark anyway? It’s like, the pinnacle of your relationship.” Chenle blinks. </p><p>Donghyuck guffaws. “Uh? You do it too? So do you, Renjun.” The aforementioned only grimaces, admitting it. </p><p>“Yeah, sure, but he at least knows I’m joking. Sometimes I really can’t tell if you’re serious or not.” </p><p>“Does anyone read between the lines here? Seriously.” Donghyuck yanks his hood off his head. He turns to Renjun. “You’re an English lit major. Tell me you can tell I’m joking all the time.” </p><p>“Sure, but you take it too far. Sticks and stones, Hyuck.” Renjun briefly spares a second to look at him. </p><p>Chenle is nodding, arms crossing over his chest. “It’s the extent that you go to. Also, you didn’t answer my question.” </p><p>“What question? I couldn’t hear it through all the patronizing.” </p><p>An eye roll. “Why do you tease Mark? Why Mark?” </p><p>“What are you on about? I’m like that with everyone!”</p><p>“Not the way you do it with Mark.” </p><p>Donghyuck makes a groaning noise, loud enough that several people in the library turn to look at him. Chenle raises his eyebrows in anticipation, prodding his friend, but there is no response. Donghyuck has simply turned off all communicative avenues, choosing to retire to a quick nap.</p><p>Renjun is still wringing out his work. “He’s like a preschooler.” </p><p>“What?” Chenle furrows his eyebrows. </p><p>“Just trust me. A naughty and dense preschooler.” </p><p>Renjun kicks Donghyuck back to check for signs of life. There are none.</p><p> </p><p>✌✌</p><p> </p><p>Donghyuck has lost it.</p><p>He’s been reduced to the capabilities of an automaton. His only skills include chugging energy drinks, typing meaningless lines of code, and rubbing his raw eyes. He’s switched his sitting posture multiple times within the hour, finding that no matter what he does, discomfort wins out in the wee hours of the morning. It’s three ante meridiem. Donghyuck’s assignment is due at eight. Time slips past him faster than he’d like.</p><p>Swathed in darkness, his single bedroom in his apartment is practically steaming from the miniature heater he’s set up. It smells like something is burning almost, but he’s too lazy to go turn it off. Plus, the warmth keeps him from wanting to snuggle in bed and knock out. His laptop keys are gross and coated with some unidentified substance, probably potato chip residue or something. A water bottle is tucked under his chin for easy access to drink, as if he’s hooked up to it by IV. It’s his only lifeline at this time of the night, (morning? Time is a social construct, so why is this program due anyway) seeing as Renjun has long gone to bed in the room across the hallway. </p><p>His only beacon of light, besides the damaging blue from his laptop screen, is the single desk lamp flickering at the corner of his workspace. </p><p>Donghyuck moves an arm and nearly knocks over one of his Red Bull cans. A small collection of them sit at the edge of his desk, neatly lined up for recycling at some point before the quarter ends. Hopefully. He might get too lazy. </p><p>He has one more thing to add to his program. It gives him some semblance of comfort until he remembers there are a few errors that he needs to address. Squeezing his eyes closed, Donghyuck considers dropping out for the umpth time tonight. </p><p>On his phone, there are no notifications. Either his friends are all buried in their own work or they’re sleeping like normal people. </p><p>With little restraint, Donghyuck decides to take a break. Automatically, he starts to scroll through Instagram before clicking on a few posts and letting himself laugh. He passes a few photos that he’s missed, like the recent one from Xiaojun and Yangyang, and then Yuta posing somewhere on campus. His thumb pauses its mindless flicking when he sees a new dance cover from Mark. </p><p>Mark has always been good. There is no questioning his skill and certainly nothing left unsaid about his work ethic; it’s simply a fact that Mark is one of the most genuine people Donghyuck has ever met. Blearily, he rubs his eyes as he watches the smooth execution, the way Mark stylistically leans more hip hop than anything else. The video looks like it was filmed sometime before workshop, maybe by Jongin, and the quality is diminished because Mark refuses to buy an iPhone despite Donghyuck’s pestering. But all in all, he still finds himself replaying the video. </p><p>The time stamp says it was posted an hour ago. Huh. </p><p>Donghyuck stills. He considers the worst case scenario, which is that Mark doesn’t answer. Or maybe Mark answers just to go at him again; sometimes he does that. Either way, Donghyuck is already moving to video call him. </p><p>His hand goes to pick at his lip.<em> Why am I nervous? </em></p><p>His phone rings, indicating that it’s going through. Donghyuck is staring at his own stupid expression for the longest time, but it’s making him fidgety so he looks up at his laptop screen, staring at the block of code he’s just inserted. The cursor blinks at him slowly, as if judging him. In the background, the ringing continues. </p><p>Donghyuck is a hovered finger away from cancelling the call when it goes through and Mark’s exhausted expression comes into view. </p><p>He opens his mouth to speak, but Mark decisively just places him down on the table, under his chin. Awkwardly, Donghyuck gulps and watches dumbly, staring at the stubble on Mark’s chin and the way he is blatantly ignoring the person on the other end. This call could last for another two hours, or Mark could be almost done and is simply indulging Donghyuck for a few minutes. The other thought that comes to mind is that he’s waiting for an apology, and he won’t speak until Donghyuck waves the white flag. </p><p>It would be uncharacteristic though, so Donghyuck decides to stick to the script and ignore him too. He props his phone up against something sturdy and continues with his program.</p><p>There is something about having another person to work alongside that increases his productivity. Donghyuck thinks subconsciously, he’s trying to keep up with Mark’s pace, which is steady and continuous. Occasionally, he glances over at his phone screen and catches Mark’s pixelated hand scratching at his neck or picking at something on his face. Sometimes Mark scrunches his nose and Donghyuck has to try not to laugh.</p><p>Despite his ass camera quality, (iPhones are the way to go, Mark, god) Mark’s tired features are quite clear to Donghyuck’s discerning eye. His blonde hair is fluffed and smushed against his head having dried in that position after his shower. Those large, black rimmed glasses fail to cover the dark circles and only emphasize the slight hump on his nose. Donghyuck spies a few new pimples that weren’t there last week. He notes that Mark is wearing <em> his </em> t-shirt, the Michael Jackson one, but he deletes the thought quickly. </p><p>They briefly meet eyes. Mark looks indignant, and Donghyuck just knows he’s waiting for an apology. </p><p>“Mark.” Donghyuck tries. “Hey, hyung.”</p><p>There is nothing. Mark keeps typing, but Donghyuck knows he heard him because the man had blinked at the sound. </p><p>He tries again. “Mark Lee?” </p><p>“What?” It’s clipped, more force put into it than in his usual chipper voice. </p><p>“Can we go get food on Friday?” </p><p>Mark’s expression doesn’t change as he hums. “No.” </p><p>Donghyuck was expecting this. “I’ll pay for it.” </p><p>“Will you now?” Monotonous reply. </p><p>It’s like Mark has shoved Donghyuck’s comforter down his throat to suffocate him. In all honesty, that might be more productive than the conversation they’re currently having. </p><p>Donghyuck tongues his cheek and sighs, looking at his desk. “Come on, hyung. I promise I’ll pay for it.” </p><p>“A promise, huh? When have you ever kept those?” A little bit of emotion slips through, but Mark quickly clamps down on it before it gets out. He’s typing a little harder though. </p><p>The question hangs there in the digital space. Donghyuck licks his lips and turns back to his program, feeling a little dejected. It makes him frustrated and just a little bit sad. He won’t apologize, though. Saying sorry sounds like defeat, even if that’s how he feels right now: sorry about the mess and sorry for his own guilty ass. </p><p>Another error fixed. Two more pop up and Donghyuck thinks he might rip his laptop apart because he’s too wound up. In a moment of defeat, he throws himself back in his gaming chair and questions why he’s even still on video call with Mark. Mark really thinks he can pull an apology from him by waiting it out. It doesn’t work like that, not for Donghyuck at least.</p><p>He stares openly, not giving two fucks. Mark had moved him so now Donghyuck can see part of Mark’s room and his desk. There is a dish of half eaten rice and soy sauce, and Donghyuck is rolling his eyes. <em> Of course </em>. Mark is shit at cooking. He probably ran out of microwaveable food and refused to go order takeout; at least he heated up rice, but with only soy sauce? It’s an atrocity.</p><p>“Mark. Did you eat a real dinner?” </p><p>For a second, Mark is looking down at his desk without a word, but he returns to work without answering. Donghyuck is really irritated now. </p><p>“So you didn’t eat? Really, Mark? You just decided to forego a basic human need?”</p><p>“I’m trying to work here. Thanks.” </p><p>“No, you don’t get to do this. Look at me, idiot.” Donghyuck spits out, a little too tired to filter anything. His mental filter has always been shit anyway. </p><p>He jumps when Mark throws down his arms and turns to glare at him, the burn of his gaze stinging even through the shit Android camera. “What is wrong with you? I’m gonna hang—”</p><p>“No, what is wrong with <em> you </em>?”</p><p>“How can you—I swear, I <em> swear </em>.” Mark looks perplexed, white hot anger pressing on his nerves. “You’re the absolute worst.” </p><p>“At least I won’t die from starvation.”</p><p>“I’m not <em> starving, </em> I ate something!” </p><p>“If you call whatever that is a meal, then you’re a bigger idiot than I thought.” </p><p>Mark levels him with something deadly, probably sprinkled with the spice that is exhaustion, before hanging up.</p><p>Donghyuck has had enough. </p><p>Which is why he storms out of his room and straight into his kitchen. He’s cursing the gods and heaven and the universe for his shitty program that refuses to run, for Chenle the little shit for parenting his ass, for Renjun and his inability to wash a fucking pan, and for Jongin because he’s the reason Mark is even mad at him. Obviously it’s Jongin’s fault.</p><p>As he fries up the last of his eggs, he curses Mark for making him waste his precious groceries on him. He’s angrily chopping his sausages when he nearly cuts his finger off and then he’s yelling at Mark for that too. His cooking gets so loud and raucous that Renjun pops out of his room to knock his head when he goes to pee. Donghyuck only gives him the finger and keeps going. </p><p>Once he’s done, he pops the food into a tupperware container. At the last second, he microwaves leftover rice and throws that into the plastic bag too. </p><p>It’s chilly outside. Four in the morning is not made for short bike rides and flip flops, but Donghyuck grits his teeth, focusing on keeping his vision straight and his balance steady. The plastic bag swings violently on his leg, and Donghyuck remembers that he’s pissed off. His brain is high on nothing but the smell of crisp morning air. He feels like he’s tilting sideways. </p><p>Finally, he sees Mark’s apartment and the blades of light that cut through the blinds. It’s the only source of brightness coming from the residence, meaning everyone else is asleep. </p><p>He yanks the bag off his handlebars and throws his bike down. A burning pain sears his calf and he hisses; he accidentally scratched it up on one of the pedals in his haste. </p><p>Stomping up the sidewalk, Donghyuck bangs on the front door. He hears Mark’s cursing from inside. </p><p>And then the door is swinging open wide. </p><p>“What the <em> fuck </em>?” Mark spits out loudly. </p><p>He gets up in Mark’s face. “I don’t care what you have to say because you’re wrong and I’m right.” </p><p>Mark shoves him back hard and Donghyuck trips over himself. “Is that what you came all the way here for? To pick a fight?” </p><p>Then Mark sees the plastic bag. It makes him stop. “What is that?”</p><p>“It’s for you, you big fat loser. I can’t believe I’m this good to you even when you’re pissed off at me.” Donghyuck takes the bag and smacks it against Mark’s chest. “You’re fucking welcome.” </p><p>Mark catches it. “You—Did you—”</p><p>“God, I’m up to my neck in work and it’s fucking late and I <em> still </em> had time to cook? Can you believe that? Wow, I’m—” Donghyuck can’t stop. “Must be because I know how to cook which, <em> by the way </em>, you should learn.” </p><p>There is no response. Mark is staring at him with those stupid round eyes before he’s sticking hands through the bag and carefully pulling out the tupperware container, staring at the quick meal like it’s some lost treasure. Donghyuck finally calms down, feeling the last trickles of adrenaline and Red Bull. Licking his lips, he fiddles with his sweatshirt hood as Mark opens the container. The steam and scent of home cooked food waft between them. </p><p>When Mark looks at him, it’s <em> soft </em>. Donghyuck wants to punch himself. “Hyuck, I...I don’t know what to say.” </p><p>“Save it. I’m going home. I have a program to finish.” He abruptly turns and picks up his bike. </p><p>His leg is definitely rubbed raw, dry skin flaking. Just another casualty in his life; he’s had a lot recently. It’ll bleed later probably, but Donghyuck is more focused on the fact that he actually just biked his petty ass to Mark’s house. What has the world come to? Since when did he lash out like a bitter and dejected housewife in her forties? Those are questions that Donghyuck can’t answer.</p><p>When he turns around, Mark is still standing there, looking at him. </p><p>“Eat it before it gets cold. Or throw it out if you think I poisoned it. Whatever you want.” </p><p>He pushes off to leave, not bothering to look. He wants to, but it’s not on brand for him. </p><p>When he gets home, he sees a text from Mark. There is a Yelp link to a sushi restaurant and a time for Friday. </p><p> </p><p>✌✌</p><p> </p><p>They’re back to their regularly scheduled programming. </p><p>Donghyuck did pay for their dinner on Friday after that week’s dance workshop. It is during the meal that Donghyuck learns Jongin and Mark have parted ways. Not that he’s surprised, though; Mark doesn’t keep any of his boys for long. He knows Mark pretty well, so he can only assume there was something about Jongin that just didn’t align. Mark is <em> that </em> type of guy too, the kind that looks for the Perfect One. It sucks though, because reality likes to deny dreams, and no one is ever perfect. </p><p>Everyone is glad they’ve made up. “You’re too brash for him.” Ten had lightly teased him one day. “You gotta rein it in sometimes. When Mark is hurt, he’s hurt.” Donghyuck hadn’t thought much of it, considering he’s pretty sure Mark only allocates so much thought and time into their friendship anyway. </p><p>The others in their little group are happy too. Jeno keeps throwing his arms around him, his own way of saying all is good; usually Jeno leans more on Mark’s side during arguments. Renjun and Jisung are the same as always, and Chenle pats him on the back when they hang out the next time like some proud father. For Donghyuck though, he’s just glad his issue with Mark is over. It was like having a pesky cold sore that won’t go away. </p><p>He’s currently laid out on Mark’s twin bed, laptop on his thighs. For hours, he has been writing this essay for one of his general classes; it’s the last of his midterm assignments before he’s free. His back is curved rather dangerously against Mark’s smashed pillows. They offer terrible support, but Donghyuck is too lazy to fix them and sit up. At the desk, working on his own assignment, is Mark with earbuds in. </p><p>“Mark.” </p><p>There is no response. </p><p>“Mark Lee. Mark Lee hyung.” </p><p>Mark shakes his head and pulls out his earbuds. He spins in his chair to face Donghyuck. He looks good, well-rested, and the freshly dyed black hair suits him way better than the blond. Eyes blink owlishly as Mark scoots towards him. “What?”</p><p>“Can we take a break? Go get something to drink or eat? Ice cream?” Donghyuck whines.</p><p>“Come on, you’re almost done, aren’t you?” Mark looks over the screen. He chortles at how little Donghyuck has written. “Okay, now we’re definitely not going.” </p><p>“Excuse me, I’ll be the judge of my own productivity.”</p><p>“There’s nothing to judge. You’ve only written one paragraph.” </p><p>Donghyuck sighs dramatically. “Details, details! Please, Mark, let’s go.” </p><p>“Nope. You do this and then we go.” Mark pushes his head down, a little rough and affectionate. “Until you get at least two pages done, we’re not going.”</p><p>“I could just up and go myself, you know. You can’t stop me.”</p><p>“Oh, you’re right. I can’t. So go ahead.” Mark gestures to the door, a slight smile on his lips.</p><p>It’s quiet. Donghyuck purses his lips as he stares down Mark, who wears innocence like it’s what he’s made to do. There’s amusement hidden in those glimmering eyes. Donghyuck would love to just walk out, but the nearest shopping center is farther than he’d like, and he’s too lazy to take the walk. Mark knows this, too. Stupid privileged kids with their cars. </p><p>Donghyuck sighs, sagging in his slumped position. He slides further down until his head is the only thing on the pillow. “Fuck. I’ll just finish it.” </p><p>Mark get up from his chair and then there are hands manhandling him. Donghyuck is resisting as the other boy yanks him into a sitting position, for the sake of his worsening posture or so he claims. They return to work.</p><p>Can the folds of one’s brain become smoothed out? That’s how Donghyuck feels after squeezing out two double-spaced pages of pure literal bullshit. Nothing he’s saying makes any sense, especially since he’s trying to be clever by weaving in big words that cut around the essay prompt. He has no idea how to answer it, but he figures the language sounds so good, the teaching assistant will ignore it for him. </p><p>Mark is squinting at his phone, hesitantly tapping his screen. “What are you looking at?” Donghyuck asks. </p><p>“Uh, pictures. Hey, help me out.” He comes closer to the bed and drops his phone onto Donghyuck’s laptop. “These are some photos I wanna post.” </p><p>Sighing, Donghyuck picks through them. “These are from our last performance, right? At that big festival?” </p><p>“Yeah, I took separate ones with some people. I can’t decide between the multiples.” Mark rubs the back of his neck. </p><p>There is a big group photo with all of the Resonance team members. Donghyuck scrolls and taps on some of the multiples to see. Mark has photos with the leadership team, then one with Chenle, his little. He sees one with Renjun and Jeno, and then another with just Jeno. A shot with Jaemin holding up his leg. There are a few others, like with Johnny and then his other friends that came to support. </p><p>Donghyuck frowns. “How come we didn’t take a photo?” </p><p>“Huh? I don’t know.” </p><p>“Honestly, Mark.” Donghyuck jokingly complains. “You rarely post about me on your Instagram.” </p><p>Mark squints. “Why would I do that when all you do is make me suffer?” </p><p>“It’s my love language. Torturing people.”</p><p>“What a way to show love.” Mark snorts. “Well? The pictures?”</p><p>Donghyuck hums, favoriting some. “I think these are fine, but you know what would make them better?”</p><p>“Are you gonna say you?” </p><p>“Well, if you knew the answer, then why didn’t you ask me?” </p><p>Mark sighs. “I guess I just forgot this time.” </p><p>Donghyuck pouts. “Wow. I’ve been forgotten. Tossed aside like one of your boys. How tragic and cruel, Mark.” </p><p>Mark is swatting at him then, grabbing to incite pain. Donghyuck yelps and squeals as he’s wrestled until he cries mercy. </p><p>There’s a huff once the other boy sits back down, black hair mussed. “If you’re done selecting, give me my phone back.” </p><p>Obediently, Donghyuck hands the phone over. As Mark goes to post them, something about the whole thing makes Donghyuck feel a little left out. He chooses to let it go, not wanting to give the notion another second of time. </p><p>“Hyuck.” </p><p>“What?” Donghyuck hastily finishes his sentence, entranced in thinking about his next point, when he looks up to a camera click. </p><p>Mark is holding his phone out, camera open, a slight smile on his face. He just took a selfie and in the back is a blank faced Donghyuck, unshowered and a little oily, receding into an overworked college student state. </p><p>Donghyuck lunges. “Excuse me! No pictures.” </p><p>“You’re the one who said you wanted a picture together. Now I have one to post.” Mark grins.</p><p>“I literally haven’t showered. Look at me.” </p><p>“Who cares? You look great.” Mark is smiling wide, clearly satisfied that he caught Donghyuck off guard.</p><p>“This is slander.” </p><p>“Just shut up and be happy about it.” Mark shakes his head. He’s gazing at his phone and then he chuckles a little. The sight makes Donghyuck stare. “It’s a good picture.”</p><p>“For you, maybe. Not me.” </p><p>“You’re still Donghyuck either way.”</p><p>“Wrong. Very wrong, Mark.” Donghyuck sits up then, placing his laptop down. “You might try hard all the time, but I happen to have on and off periods of beauty.” </p><p>Mark shrugs as he edits the picture, lips held in a small grin. “You look good every day, so it doesn’t matter.”</p><p>The offhand comment hangs between them, dangling a little for thought until retreating into nothing. Donghyuck licks his lips and picks at Mark’s comforter. He doesn’t know what to say, wiping at his face with his sleeve. No, he is most definitely not feeling warmer than before. </p><p>He picks up the laptop and goes back to writing the essay. His hand automatically opens his phone when Instagram lets him know that user 99markedlee has tagged him in a picture. </p><p>And then he thinks maybe he doesn’t look so bad.</p><p> </p><p>✌✌</p><p> </p><p>The end of fall quarter means freedom, more time to play League of Legends, and of course, Resonance’s annual winter retreat. </p><p>Every year, they book a house somewhere for a weekend getaway as a form of team bonding, especially for the new members. The auditions for Resonance coincide with midterms, unfortunate for the people trying out, but by the end of it, two new team members were added: Sungchan and Shotaro. </p><p>The first night of retreat is always meant for drinking, almost as a form of christening. Some of them don’t drink in order to take care of the ones who do, but Donghyuck is definitely not one of the former. His memories of the night are vague, but he for some reason remembers falling on top of Renjun and laughing his ass off until he nearly pees. He has a hazy recollection of someone nagging him and then half carrying half dragging him to bed, but what comes to mind is the way they let him bear hug them, a hand gently rubbing the nape of his neck. </p><p>On the second night, after dinner and games, Ten calls for the team to meet outside in the backyard. An icy breeze slips through Donghyuck’s long puffer coat and he shivers violently as he clings to Renjun and Jaemin, who hold each other for warmth. One by one, the Resonance members file out of the sliding back doors of the house in slippers and socks, the leadership team watching everyone. They huddle around like penguins as Taeyong gets everyone’s attention. </p><p>Ten speaks first. “Thank you for coming to retreat this year. We’ve been having a good time with all of you.” He smiles warmly, cheeks a little red from the cold. “We hope everyone is enjoying themselves.”</p><p>“I’m sure all of the returning members know this, but on the last night of retreat, we like to do a little wholesome game to end off on a good note.” Taeyong finishes, a shy smile from behind his striped scarf. </p><p>The game is quite simple. Everyone sits down in a circle and closes their eyes. People are chosen in random groups to stand and walk around the circle; their job is to touch people they believe fit the question that is read aloud. A designated person is chosen to read out questions, typically someone from leadership team. The questions are usually quite touching and emotional. </p><p>Donghyuck follows the rest of the members as they drop to the ground. Cold grass chills his sweatpant covered legs, making him shake. Whenever a breeze whistles by, he huddles closer to a whining Jisung, who is sitting next to him. </p><p>“I bet Renjun will cry in the second round of questions.” Donghyuck grins at Jisung.</p><p>Jisung blinks before replying, “I think it’ll be at the end of the first.” </p><p>Renjun turns and smacks both of them. </p><p>As he watches ghosts come out of his mouth, Donghyuck sees Mark sitting down in the circle across from him, a good six feet away. He’s chatting with Yuta, beanie-covered head poking out of his huge black puffer. He’s been outside with leadership team setting up the (spoiler) team gifts that they give out every year, so his cheeks have raw splotches on them, red against the clear shine of his eyes.</p><p>Mark looks at him then, his rosy face partially buried in the collar of his puffer, and his cheeks rise as he smiles. Donghyuck does not know what the feeling burrowed in his chest is, but he decides to look blank before turning away, pretending to be interested in what Renjun is saying. </p><p>“Alright, so everyone understands the rules, yeah?” Ten is going to read questions, gloved hands clutching his phone. </p><p>There’s a chorus of sounds, someone crying out when another icy wind picks its way through their clothes. </p><p>“Okay, I’ll take that as a yes.” Ten laughs. “Taeyong will go around and tap you if you’re in the first group. Stand up quietly when you’re tapped. Everyone, close your eyes!”</p><p>Donghyuck props his elbows on his knees and covers his face with his hands. He can hear the last remnants of dying conversation, someone giggling and then the muffled thud of a punch. There is open mouthed, silent laughter from somewhere else. He smiles, already anticipating what’s to come.</p><p>It’s quiet as Taeyong picks the first group of tappers. Donghyuck feels his palms grow hot and clammy against his face, a contrast to the barren and cold dry skin on the back of his hands. He feels Jisung lean against him and hears Renjun sniffle and sigh.</p><p>Then soft music floats into the space from one of the large speakers. The game is starting.</p><p>“Alright, first question.” Ten’s voice is soft. “Tap someone you got closer to during this retreat.” </p><p>There are sounds of movement, sandaled feet on grass and the swish of polyester coats. The telltale signs of tapping, or rather, slapping, ring out into the cold night. Donghyuck feels a warm, steady hand on his shoulder, followed by another. Someone ruffles his hair, and there’s another tentative fleeting touch to his back. Someone pokes his thigh. In his mind, he tries to figure out who is touching him, who he made such an impact on. It’s easy to forget that your presence does something to someone, even if only for a few seconds. </p><p>“Next, tap someone who makes you laugh.” </p><p>A skin-on-skin slap rings clear in the circle and everyone is laughing, a few sounds of surprise and sympathy. Donghyuck hears Xiaojun lurching forward as he’s likely shoved from behind. Lucas cries out “why!” as someone beats him on his back like a drum. There are a few more giggles and chuckles, filling the pensive space with pure fun. Donghyuck feels someone rub his back, and then another person who slaps him, hard. He chokes on his own spit then, coughing to everyone’s chorused laughter. There’s a long pause of nothing but the cold, and then someone gently touches the side of his waist. Donghyuck jerks, but he doesn’t say anything. </p><p>“Next, tap someone who has taught you something.” </p><p>Donghyuck thinks back, tries to picture any moments where he would do something like that. He comes up empty, but when two people come by and graze their hands on him, something warm blooms and spreads in his chest. He’ll never know who touched him, and while that nagging desire to know is strong, he carries their touches of thanks with him. </p><p>Then someone violently stabs his side, making him cry out. He feels Jisung jolt next to him in surprise and then Renjun muttering something, but what really gets his attention is the thick puffer coat arm that wraps over his hands, his head, and then a warm breath on his ear: “you taught me how to get mad and I hate you for it.” </p><p>Donghyuck shivers. He feels it, the heat blossoming right under his coat collar and the tingle below his ear, a tickle at his neck. Mark leaves just like that, warmth trailing and leaving Donghyuck to sweat in his seat.</p><p>You’re not really supposed to say anything, but. </p><p>A few more questions come through for the first group. Donghyuck loses some of it, zoning out for a few. You don’t get tapped for every question, and that’s okay too. </p><p>After some time, the tapping group needs to be changed. </p><p>“Alright, first group, please take a seat somewhere in the circle.” Ten announces gently, sounding a little teary already. He’s mumbling something to someone, then, “Okay, so now Sicheng will be reading out the questions and Yuta will select new tappers.” </p><p>Yuta taps him on the shoulder, and Donghyuck rises eagerly, shaking out his legs and hitting them to get the blood flowing again. Sighing in relief, he stretches and looks around to see who else is going to be in his group. Everything is blurry from having his palms dug into his eyes for so long, but he can see Jeno, Chenle, and Taeil standing. He looks at the spot across from where he sat and finds that Mark is no longer there. He’s sitting on the left side now. </p><p>Sidling up to Chenle, he waits for Sicheng to pose the first question.</p><p>“We’re starting now. Tap someone you think has improved.” Sicheng reads out, nose red from the cold.</p><p>First, Donghyuck slaps Chenle on the shoulder, to which the other boy reciprocates. He cuffs Jeno’s head next, and Jeno turns with a smile and a hard pinch to his cheek. As he moves around the circle of people silently, Donghyuck thinks about who had worked hard for each performance, who practiced and asked questions. He isn’t really the emotional type, but he’s observant. For this game, he tries his best to think about it. He ruffles Johnny and Hendery’s hair, pats Kun’s shoulder, and makes sure to give Sicheng a pat on the arm. </p><p>“Okay, next question. Tap someone you consider a leader.” </p><p>The thought is instantaneous. Donghyuck is focused on one person, but he steadies himself on the others. He makes sure to tap Sicheng again, moving to touch the other leadership team members. It’s futile efforts to conceal the fact that he immediately thought of Mark. He reasons that it’s because Mark was the first leadership team member to approach him, the first one to befriend him. </p><p>When Donghyuck finally reaches Mark in the circle, huddled with knees up and face smashed into them, he bends to squat and swiftly wraps arms around his torso. Mark tenses immediately at the sudden overwhelming contact. His squawk is loud when Donghyuck reaches to pinch at his skin. </p><p>When he leaves Mark to ponder, Chenle asks Donghyuck in a whisper why he’s smiling so widely. </p><p>A few more easy, fun questions whistle by. These are the ones Donghyuck uses as excuses to slap or tickle people in the circle. </p><p>Then Sicheng reads the next one. “Next, tap someone you admire.” </p><p>Across the circle, Jeno is basically touching everyone. Taeil nearly sits on Doyoung’s shoulders, to which the boy hollers. There’s a loud sob and Donghyuck tries not to laugh because it’s Renjun. </p><p>He taps Ten and Taeyong first. His feet move on their own, taking him quickly around the circle, but then he hears Mark sniffle. Is he crying? He can’t tell because Mark isn’t the type to cry. </p><p>That train of thought makes him slow to a stop, awkwardly stalled right behind Mark. <em> Someone you admire. </em>Before anyone questions or notices him thinking loudly, Donghyuck cautiously reaches for Mark’s right ear. Fingers close around the cold skin, and then he gently rubs. Mark stills, silently accepting the touch, and Donghyuck feels like he’s losing it a little. To regain some kind of normality, he hastily pokes the inside of Mark’s ear and takes off around the circle, throwing himself onto Taeil without another word. </p><p>Sicheng looks at everyone in the group and nods. “Alright, last question for this round. Tap someone you want to spend more time with, or someone you want to get to know better.” </p><p>Nearly all of them move, single file, to give love to the new members Sungchan and Shotaro. Donghyuck pokes at Sungchan’s neck and smacks Shotaro on the arm, remembering the brief conversation they had during dinner.</p><p>He passes Mark the first loop around the circle. There is no reason to touch someone you’ve known for years, he reasons to himself. At the same time, though, he considers that it’s okay to want to spend more time with someone, even if that person has been there the entire time.</p><p>So he laps back and places a hand on Mark’s shoulder, squeezing. He’s forgotten what logic or explanation he had conjured up to explain why Mark is singularly a focal point for all of these stupid questions. </p><p>Donghyuck turns his attention away from it all. It’s not that pressing nor is it that serious.</p><p>He sits back down in an empty spot, now sandwiched between Xiaojun and Jaehyun. The game continues on, the amount of sniffling and sobbing increasing with more questions. It’s still frigid outside, icy fingers of winter sliding under Donghyuck’s sweatshirt and coat, but somehow he doesn’t feel it anymore. </p><p>When the game ends and the leadership team is tearily giving their remarks, the gifts are passed out. They splurged this year on the retreat gifts, giving out embroidered baseball caps with <em> RESONANCE </em> plastered on the front. On the side of it, Donghyuck traces a finger over his embroidered name in white thread. </p><p>When he stands to head back into the house, he feels people come up to pat him on the back or ruffle his hair. Renjun is still crying, Jaemin smiling teasingly at him and his blotchy face. Jisung is also crying, but he has several arms holding him. Ten’s eyes are red and watery, and Donghyuck remembers that he’s graduating this year. He makes sure to give him a hug then. </p><p>As he waits behind Johnny and Hendery to get into the house, there are arms snaking around him, one hooking around his shoulders and another around his waist. One tug and Donghyuck is pulled against a warm chest, feels a hot cheek on his neck. He’s breathing slowly, calmly, but his heart betrays him. Mark holds him quietly as they’re stuck outside for the time being. </p><p>“Um, excuse me.” Donghyuck clears his throat. “We’re in public.” </p><p>“Shut up.” Mark says firmly, voice low and vibrating through his skin. </p><p>Donghyuck ignores whatever emotion <em> that </em> draws up. </p><p>Something bleeds a little from under his bronzed flesh. Mark has his hands curled into his puffer coat and he’s not letting go. Donghyuck is blinking because for the first time in a long time, he doesn’t know what to say. He’s malfunctioning, glaring red error messages flashing before his eyes like the shitty programs he has to write. </p><p>He thinks that knowing is more confusing than being left in the dark. </p><p> </p><p>✌✌</p><p> </p><p>All of what has happened culminates and sharpens to a point when Donghyuck returns to school after winter break. </p><p>Being home for the holidays had been relatively uneventful. Home is home, with the smell of laundry and the sea, and the sun baking him to a richer tan. As the eldest child, Donghyuck had plenty to deal with once he landed; his younger sister was home before him, and his two younger brothers were ready to pounce on him the minute he chucked his shoes off in the house. Christmas was a lot of cooking and board games next to a shimmering tree, and then New Years flew by with no one to kiss. He had gotten a flurry of texts from his friends though, everyone cheering for another year of living. </p><p>A new quarter means new classes, but the same people. Resonance was picking up in practice frequency for the upcoming South Dance competition, meaning Donghyuck is spending most of his free time in practice rooms and wherever they can find space to rehearse. Late into the evening hours, Donghyuck is fighting exhaustion and the mounting stress of piling assignments just for the chance to perform live. He tries not to let anything take away his attention from the most important things, and he tries to keep focused on what <em> is </em> important. </p><p>It’s Wednesday. Donghyuck’s room is torn apart, ripped from bed sheets to desk appliances, as he searches for his earbuds. There is a frenetic panic and frustration to his movements as he cyclically moves through his room, going to the same places again and again to look for his missing listening device. </p><p>In an angry rush, he grabs all of his dirty laundry and chucks it to the other side of the room, ignoring the clang and crash of whatever has fallen as a result. Gritting his teeth, he growls at the inanimate objects in his room. His earbuds do not get to witness this. </p><p>He has practice in an hour. It’s at the recreation center, which takes about fifteen minutes to bike to. He needs those ear buds.</p><p>With everything going on, Donghyuck thinks he’s on his last strand of sanity. Tonight, he’s expecting to stay up to finish two big assignments, and this will be after a three hour long rehearsal for a new competition piece. His own body is breaking down a little, succumbing to the chilly winter like the weak bitch he is; he’s got a cold coming for him.</p><p>One breath. Two breaths. And then Donghyuck collapses into his gaming chair to think. When was the last time they were used? He recalls yesterday, biking from campus to his apartment, washing dishes with them in his ears, and then—</p><p>That’s it. He went to Mark’s to study, fell asleep on the bed, and took them off. </p><p>It’s perfect, actually. Mark is also in the same piece as he is for the upcoming competition, so they can go to practice together in his car. With everything falling into place, Donghyuck grabs his things for practice and his coat before he rushes out the door.</p><p>He runs, because he doesn’t want to risk Mark leaving his apartment early. Being as responsible as he is, Mark tries to get to practice at least fifteen minutes ahead of schedule. </p><p>When he knocks on the door, one of Mark’s housemates Vernon greets him. “Are you looking for Mark?”</p><p>“Tell me he hasn’t left yet.” Donghyuck groans. </p><p>“I think he’s asleep because he said he was gonna take a nap.” </p><p>“You’re kidding me.” </p><p>Donghyuck barges into the place, thanking Vernon quickly. Without a care for who else will hear, he raises a fist and bangs on Mark’s bedroom door. There is no sound from the other side. Gritting his teeth, Donghyuck tries again, for the sake of being courteous. He’s not that much of an inconsiderate asshole. </p><p>Fuck it. He pulls down on the handle and pushes the door open.</p><p>Mark’s room is the same as it always is: slightly messy, but in organized sections of his room. The desk isn’t surrounded by piles of clothes or empty boxes, but on top, it is littered with papers and pens. Mark’s Resonance team jacket is thrown on top of his swiveling chair with some clothes laid out on the seat; he must’ve prepared this before sleeping. The closet doors are open, revealing neat hangers with shirts and jackets. Next to the bed, the nightstand holds a lamp, Mark’s vitamins, his black glasses, and...Donghyuck’s earbuds.</p><p>Breathing out in relief, Donghyuck closes the door and crosses the space quickly. Under the blankets on the twin bed, someone sniffles and shifts. Mark sleeps with the cover pulled over his shoulders and covering his neck. When Donghyuck reaches the nightstand to pocket his earbuds, he gets a full view of Mark’s sleeping face. </p><p>He looks warm, cheeks just the slightest bit pink from the heat. Light snoring hums through the quiet late afternoon, coming from relaxed lips and still eyelids. Black strands are kinked and bent in all sorts of directions, and when Mark groans and dips his head deeper into his pillow and the blanket, Donghyuck watches his face scrunch before relaxing again. </p><p>He doesn’t know what to do. Mark never naps unless he’s extremely exhausted; the man manages his health and sleep meticulously, hence the vitamins by his bed. Gulping, Donghyuck gingerly sits down on the mattress, gradually releasing more of his weight to avoid causing a sudden dip. Mark grunts again and turns to face the wall, snuggling deeper into warm slumber. It’s strangely endearing and Donghyuck hates that the sentiment floated into his mind, unwelcome. </p><p>What happened to only focusing on school and dance?</p><p>Mark’s alarm clock is glaring green. Thirty minutes until practice. </p><p>Donghyuck makes a choice. </p><p>“Hey, Mark. Come on, get up.” Donghyuck starts, quieter than he’d like. He lightly presses a hand on Mark’s forearm.</p><p>There is no response. </p><p>Donghyuck shakes him three times. Two more times. “Hey, get up, idiot. We’re gonna be late.” </p><p>Mark rolls over onto his back, one cheek rubbed red from the pillow. There are fabric indents decorating his ruddy skin. Judging by how deeply he’s been sleeping, Donghyuck can only imagine the boy will be groggy as hell, or he’ll have a headache. There is a moment where Mark’s features relax again, returning to that warm comfy expression, and then his lashes flutter. </p><p>Interestingly, Mark doesn’t look surprised. “Dong...hyuck?” </p><p>“Yeah, it’s me, sunshine. Get the fuck up, we’re going to be late for practice.” </p><p>“We? Who’s...we?” Mark groans, shooting up so quick Donghyuck flinches. He looks ridiculous, bleary and out of focus. It’s cute. It’s a lot to take in. “When did you get here? Why...are you here?” </p><p>Donghyuck promptly ignores the way Mark’s voice grates against his ears. “I left my earbuds here and I came to get them. Good thing I did, or else you would have slept for another hour.” </p><p>Mark has his eyes determinedly shut. “I set an alarm…”</p><p>“Right, and it was supposed to ring when?” </p><p>Round eyes sleepily open halfway. Donghyuck smiles at him. </p><p>And then Mark is taking off his ratty t-shirt.</p><p><em> Oh </em>.</p><p>“Whoa, okay!” Donghyuck whips around, feeling heat crawl up the back of his neck. “Excuse me, I’m a wine and dine first kind of guy.” </p><p>“Shut up.” Mark retorts blandly, getting out of bed. </p><p>Donghyuck is mildly horrified when he feels the t-shirt swiftly thrown onto his head. He very stubbornly ignores the fact that it’s warm and smells like Mark’s pillow, a scent that is very distinctly Mark. Gulping, he plucks the shirt off of his head, placing it behind him without looking. The reaction he is having right now, a little nervous and mildly confused, bewilders him.</p><p>He turns around and Mark is only in his boxers, reaching for the clothes on his chair. </p><p>Hastily, he reverses back to face the closet, glaring intently at the hangers. They’re less intimidating than a changing man, a man that Donghyuck has known for years. <em> Get it together. </em></p><p>“Tell me when you’re done.” Donghyuck mumbles, hands clammy.</p><p>He hears Mark shuffling around behind him. “What are you being shy for? You’ve seen me naked.”</p><p>“I’m just being a gentleman.”</p><p>“That’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one.” </p><p>“I’m an honest man, Mark. Always have been.” Donghyuck sings.</p><p>Mark hits him on the back. “With a smart mouth.”</p><p>“My smart mouth has done much more than talk.” Donghyuck regrets saying it, but only because it makes him burn from ears to feet. </p><p>“What the hell?” Mark laughs. </p><p>“Yeah, you’re welcome.” </p><p>A hand comes down on his shoulder and Donghyuck startles out of his seat on the bed. Blinking fast, he comes face to face with a Mark that is more awake, eyes clear and bright behind clean frames. He’s got clothes on now (thank god) with his team jacket resting on square shoulders. His car keys are in one hand with his water bottle in the other. He’s got a notebook tucked under his arm. </p><p>“Uh, are you okay? What are you so jumpy for?” Mark smiles innocently, and Donghyuck hates that he follows the way his ears move a little too. </p><p>“I don’t know. Maybe it’s the Red Bull I had.” </p><p>Mark sighs before taking Donghyuck by the nape and throwing him forward towards the door. Donghyuck squawks at being manhandled. “I told you to stop drinking so many of those.” </p><p>“Well, if I stop now, I might die from the withdrawal.” Donghyuck quickly retorts, mind hazy from what? Mark <em> shirtless </em>? “You might never see me again, Mark Lee.” </p><p>“I wouldn’t let you die like that.” Mark closes his bedroom door and turns to look at Donghyuck, peeking from over his shoulder. “You’d die first from me choking you.”</p><p>“Is that an invitation?” </p><p>“It’s a threat.” </p><p>“Spank me too while you’re at it.” </p><p>Mark slaps him hard on the shoulder, enough to make Donghyuck snap out of it. But he still feels the burn of something unidentifiable on his neck, the heat that seems to funnel through his insides. He gulps and hopes Mark can’t tell he’s flushed. Otherwise, if Mark asks and Donghyuck is put on the spot, he wouldn’t have a fucking answer. </p><p>“You need a ride, yeah?” Mark bends down to put on his sneakers.</p><p>“Yeah. It’s way too late to walk.” Donghyuck mumbles, looking at his water bottle intently.</p><p>“Well, I have to get Jeno too, just letting you know.” </p><p>Donghyuck brightens. Another person in the car might help fend off whatever odd hormonal imbalance he’s dealing with right now. “Great. Perfect. I love Jeno.” </p><p>“Uh? Okay?” Mark laughs a little, eyebrows furrowed. </p><p>Donghyuck follows Mark out the door. When the cold air of winter hits him, he tries to dissect that awful reaction he had in the bedroom. It isn’t the first time he’s seen Mark change. There is absolutely nothing interesting or out of the ordinary about Mark Lee being naked in front of him. Yet why, why in the <em> world </em>, did it feel like he was intruding? Why did he react like he was a prepubescent boy seeing boobs for the first time? Donghyuck poses the question to himself, but all he gets are images of Mark, rosy from sleep and a little swollen in the face, the ridges of his bare back and shoulders blurred in soft shadows.</p><p><em> Oh no </em> . Donghyuck puts a cap on it, whatever <em> it </em> is.</p><p>“Music?” Mark holds out the auxiliary cord distractedly as he sets his things down in the car.</p><p>Obediently, Donghyuck takes the cord and plugs it into his phone. He shuffles and the first song that comes on is Man in the Mirror, a favorite of theirs. Mark smiles to himself as he turns on the car and puts it in reverse. Donghyuck tries to relax into his seat, staring out the window as Mark drives.</p><p>When they pull up to Jeno’s apartment, the guy is already waiting on the curb. He’s got on his Resonance baseball cap and the jacket as well. Donghyuck waves at him and Jeno, a little surprised, waves back. </p><p>“We’re taking Donghyuck too?” Jeno asks as he gets into the car. </p><p>“He just showed up at my place. Good thing though, because I was knocked out.” Mark runs a hand through his hair.</p><p>Donghyuck wants to fix his bedhead. Instead he says, “Be grateful. I feel like your mother sometimes.” </p><p>“It’s because you care. How sweet.” Jeno jumps in, teasing a smile going wide.</p><p>Donghyuck turns in his seat. “If you want me to coddle you too, Jeno, you just have to ask.” </p><p>“You do not coddle me!” Mark whines. </p><p>“I wake you up and I feed you. I remember shit for you. I <em> am </em> your mother.” Donghyuck flicks Mark’s temple. </p><p>“Or you’re his wife. One of those.” Jeno suggests. </p><p>Donghyuck wants to die and Mark turns red. “I hate both of you. Get out of my car. I’m being harassed.” </p><p>“You need us to take care of you, though.” Jeno’s eyes are crescent as he laughs. </p><p>Donghyuck holds out a hand for Jeno to clap. Mark is trying to defend himself as they continue to the recreation center for practice. For a few minutes, Donghyuck feels himself settle down enough to get rid of whatever lingering emotion he had from before. As far as he’s concerned, he definitely did not, for a split second, panic at something Mark Lee did. </p><p>Until they park the car and Jeno pops the door open to leave.</p><p>Mark is still sitting there, hands in his lap. </p><p>Donghyuck is unbuckling his seatbelt when Mark mumbles, “Am I really that dependent on other people?”</p><p>Mark is pouting a little, looking small. And then all of what happened a few minutes ago floods Donghyuck again in an uncontained wave of unreadable, unquestionable emotion. He’s knocked over and gasping for breath. </p><p>“Uh,” Donghyuck chokes out. “No.” </p><p>“That’s it? No?” </p><p>“What do you want me to say?”</p><p>Mark shakes his head, sighing as he hastily pushes his door open. “I don’t know. Whatever.” </p><p>It feels colder than before for some reason. Donghyuck squints against the setting sun and sees Jeno already jogging up the stairs leading to the front doors. Mark fumbles to get his things together, awkwardly clutching everything. Donghyuck watches as he nearly drops his things trying to lock his car, which include a dance notebook for formations, his water bottle, and his Resonance team cap. </p><p>Sighing, Donghyuck plucks the water bottle out of Mark’s arms. He takes the cap and jams it onto the boy’s head, to the other’s surprised sputter. </p><p>“You’re not dependent on others, but there’s nothing wrong with getting help, dumbass.”</p><p>He turns away from Mark’s dumbfounded face, jogging to avoid being later than he already is. Eventually, Mark catches up to him on the stairs, throwing an arm around his shoulders. He leans into it without saying anything. </p><p> </p><p>✌✌</p><p> </p><p>It’s been a few weeks without another one of Mark’s boys.</p><p>Donghyuck should’ve known. </p><p>Or, more accurately, he didn’t know. He was completely, utterly blind to it. </p><p>The crumbs started becoming bigger, the trail more obvious. Every time he would text Mark to hang out, the No Sorry I’m Busy response would either come an hour later or it would be instantaneous, but still the same message: Mark has stuff to do. In person, after dance practice or studying together, he would rub the back of his neck and say he had another thing planned. </p><p>The thing is, this alone didn’t make Donghyuck think it was a new boy. Usually Mark’s next cycle would begin with a dazed expression, a look of dreamy wonder and sparkle or whatever, and something along the lines of “Hyuck, guess what?” Then Donghyuck would have to sit through a rant about whoever the new love interest was. He would never ask for a name or a picture (he was never interested enough and they don’t last long enough to matter), but the minute Mark would show up with a random guy, Donghyuck would know exactly what the relationship is. Also, Mark’s specific type is a very good tell. </p><p>But this one, Mark didn’t say a word.</p><p>Back to the crumb trail. It started out innocent. One time, Donghyuck asked Mark who exactly he was going to be with, just out of curiosity, and Mark had claimed it was Chenle, to treat him for a big-little dinner. It was pretty believable until Chenle showed up at Donghyuck’s apartment to eat with Renjun. And then, another time, Donghyuck saw Mark waiting around for someone when the boy clearly told him he was going to be napping. The worst of it, though, was when even <em> Renjun </em> was covering for Mark. It raised several questions, but Donghyuck didn’t want to come across as needy or jealous, so he decided to drop it. Who knows why Mark was lying to him about who he was hanging out with? </p><p>One time, when Mark was gazing at his phone like he was in love, Donghyuck had asked him point blank. “Who’s the new boy you’re talking to?” </p><p>And Mark had dropped his device like it was scalding. “No one. There is no new boy.” </p><p>“Really. There isn’t a new boy?” Donghyuck was very skeptical. </p><p>Mark has always been a terrible liar. “Yeah. There isn’t.” </p><p>It’s the way his face seemed frozen. That’s always how Donghyuck can tell. </p><p>It’s late in the afternoon. He’s writing another program, due in six hours and halfway done. Orange sunlight streams in through the cracks of his shutters, light blinding him fleetingly whenever he moves in his gaming chair. He’s nursing a concoction of Red Bull and water, one for energy and the other for hydration. His half-finished takeout is sitting cold on the side with his sweating plastic coffee cup. With his comfortable hoodie on and headphones strapped to his head, he’s in work mode.</p><p>He cracks his neck after adding a bulk of code. Pulls his phone out of his kangaroo pocket and punches in the passcode. Presses on Instagram and scrolls through stories.</p><p>He stops on Mark’s. </p><p>His heart sinks to the floor. It’s entirely unexpected and therefore even more painful. But his eyes don’t deceive him; that is indeed one very smiley, very chiseled and handsome Jeno Lee sitting on a picnic blanket. He’s wearing a leather jacket and a checked shirt, partially tucked into black skinny jeans, leather boots on his feet. There is a lunchbox in front of Jeno’s crossed legs, homemade, and since Mark can’t cook, Donghyuck can only guess Jeno put in the effort and time to make something for them. Them. The two of them. </p><p>It’s a date and Donghyuck has been blind for weeks. </p><p>His throat closes up. It’s strange how all of the pieces magically fit together with just one Instagram story. Mark had been spending all of his free time with Jeno these past few weeks. Chenle had been entirely confused when Donghyuck had asked, saying Mark never texted him about anything. Renjun had looked way too calm and practiced when he responded to Donghyuck’s inquiry about Mark. And when Mark was waiting around—it all makes sense.</p><p>There’s more, of course. Donghyuck is blind because <em> of course, </em>Jeno; it was honestly inevitable. Jeno is perfect. He’s reliable, motivated and clever, and moves like everything he does is worth his hard effort. He’s got perfect grades and a perfect smile and cute eyes that change shape when he laughs. He’s physically fit with good proportions and a voice that makes knees go weak. In short, he is exactly Mark’s type. He’s the popular guy, class president, charismatic man of Mark’s dreams. </p><p>And he’s on the leadership team with Mark. He knows Mark really well. He cares about Mark. He would always side with Mark, and he never makes Mark angry. In short, Jeno is a cut above. Out of everyone in their friend group, Jeno is definitely the one Mark would date in a heartbeat, if they were picking within the circle.</p><p>The drum beat in Donghyuck’s chest is the only thing he can focus on. He’s starting to sweat under his hoodie, but beneath all of that, below his skin and flesh, something hurts in a place that is tender. He doesn’t want to chase it to find out why. <em> Mark is dating Jeno. Mark and Jeno.  </em></p><p>Instead, he takes off his headphones. Drops his phone down onto the desk and slams his laptop closed. He gets up out of his chair and moves to yank his bedroom door open. His questions will be answered. </p><p>He knocks on Renjun’s door. </p><p>It swings open after a beat. “What’s up, Hyuck?” </p><p>“How long have they been doing this?” It’s spit fire and quick. </p><p>Renjun blinks before it settles in. His expression morphs into acknowledgement. “So you know, now?” </p><p>“What does that mean? You knew Mark was lying to me and you didn’t tell me?” </p><p>“Whoa, hold on. I only covered for Mark<em> one time </em>.” </p><p>“And why was that?” Donghyuck’s mind is rushing full speed. “Am I the last one to know?” </p><p>“I don’t know?” Renjun sighs loudly, running a hand over his face. “It’s just because they wanted to keep it on the down low. Since it would probably change some things in the group.” </p><p>It doesn’t answer all of Donghyuck’s questions. “Why was Mark lying to me?”</p><p>“Huh?” </p><p>“He straight up would lie to me about who he’s hanging out with. Several times. <em> Why </em>?” </p><p>“I-I don’t know?” Renjun furrows his eyebrows. “I only know because I caught Jeno texting him and I asked. He told me immediately and I told Jaemin. I don’t know if Chenle or Jisung know.” </p><p>“It doesn’t make any sense.” Donghyuck mutters.</p><p>“I mean, it was supposed to be something lowkey. Like if people ask, they might say, but they weren’t going to go around announcing it.” </p><p>“Yeah, okay, but then he lied to my face and not to the others?” </p><p>The silence between them is heavy and awkward. Renjun purses his lips, analyzing the expressions that flick through Donghyuck’s face. “Look, Hyuck—”</p><p>“I have things to do.” Donghyuck turns on his heel, back into his room.</p><p>He slams the door closed, dropping on his bed. </p><p>Mark isn’t obligated to tell him everything. Donghyuck knows that. </p><p>He tries to ignore the burn. Donghyuck doesn’t want to try to pick apart Mark’s actions. But he knows Mark is an honest person at heart, so the fact that he decided to lie like this to Donghyuck means this was important to him; it was important that he keep it secret. He didn’t want Donghyuck near any of it, at all. He had shut him out. </p><p>It hurts more than he expects.</p><p> </p><p>✌✌</p><p> </p><p>With South Dance only two weeks away, the practices start happening daily. It becomes a normal thing for Donghyuck to bike to the recreation center many times a week. </p><p>During rehearsal, he forces himself to hone in on his angles and lines, focuses on improving the groovy parts of the choreography. They’re competing with a nineties era hip hop piece, and while Donghyuck is quite adaptable to different styles of dance, he still nitpicks on details and stylistic choices in order to put on the best performance possible. It can be hard though when Mark and Jeno are flirting or giving each other glances during practices. </p><p>He’s been ignoring Mark for the past week. Mark hasn’t noticed anything, but Donghyuck isn’t surprised. New boy, different priorities. Jeno is also oblivious to any vague hostility or indifference, more focused on dancing or Mark’s little shows of affection. </p><p>It reaches a point, though, where Donghyuck feels his frustration snapping like a whip. </p><p>“Alright, let’s run it through with music to start off. Just mark it seventy five.” Sicheng calls out to everyone, moving to start the music. </p><p>They’re practicing in one of the practice rooms with big mirrors at the recreation center. Donghyuck looks at his reflection, gazes at his tired skin hanging on his cheekbones, and his eyes flick to Jeno and Mark walking into formation, the glow radiating from their smiles and relaxed expressions. </p><p>Donghyuck shakes out his hair and focuses on Ten giving reminders for certain parts. </p><p>Jeno pats him on the ass as he moves next to him. Donghyuck doesn’t do anything. </p><p>The music starts and they’re dancing. Donghyuck sinks into the beat and the moves, slipping into the mood of the song. It’s an upbeat hip hop type of groove, and it’s all about exuding a cool confidence. Donghyuck is good at it, executing all the moves and getting the textures down in his pocket. He forgets that they’re supposed to go seventy five percent of their effort for marking the piece, becoming so absorbed in the dancing. </p><p>It happens faster than he can react. Mark is moving backwards in the formation and Jeno is surging to the front. Someone’s leg is too wide and then Mark is falling, like his limbs have given out, and he crashes into Donghyuck behind him.</p><p>Wood and bone collide as they fall to the ground. They’re joined like incorrect puzzle pieces, parts mismatched and smashed together. Donghyuck hisses in pain at the searing heat sizzling at his shoulder, knowing full well that it’ll bruise tomorrow. His ass hurts from the weight that Mark is putting on his hips. </p><p>“Oh shit, are you guys okay?” Ten hustles over while Sicheng turns off the music. </p><p>Donghyuck breathes out loudly as Mark flushes red, immediately scrambling to get up. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, Hyuck.” </p><p>Mark extends a hand, but Donghyuck ignores it as he stands up on his own. No one says anything as Mark darkens to a deeper red. </p><p>Ten is looking at him with concern while the others eye the two in question. </p><p>“If you guys are okay, let’s do it again from the top.” Sicheng interjects, giving Donghyuck a long look.</p><p>They finish running through the song and then they move on to group cleaning, where they fix any discrepancies between dancers. It takes up the bulk of their practices, focusing on making sure everyone is doing the moves right and on the right timing. Angles are readjusted and dance textures are discussed during this time. They decide to start with the first chorus of the song. </p><p>Donghyuck is getting cleaned with Jeno and Sungchan. The other four dancers in the piece sit against the mirror, gazes intent as the three standing in front of them dance to the chorus part. </p><p>Ten’s face scrunches. “Can we do the first part again, no music? I’ll count it out and then stop at the end of ‘what you waiting for.’”</p><p>Obediently, the three of them readjust and do it again to Ten’s counting. When they freeze in the move, everyone looks at them. </p><p>“Sungchan, I think you need to turn out more for the feet, like make the footwork more prominent.” Sicheng notes. </p><p>Yangyang and Mark nod in agreement. Ten points at Jeno and Donghyuck. “Jeno, maybe make the arm movements bigger. Either that or Donghyuck, make them smaller.”</p><p>“I think Jeno is right. Maybe Donghyuck should make them smaller?” Yangyang pipes up.</p><p>Mark nods. “I agree.”</p><p>“Of course you do.” Donghyuck slips. </p><p>“What did you say?” </p><p>“Nothing.” </p><p>Ten purses his lips. “Let’s just do it again.” </p><p>They finish up with Donghyuck’s group. As the boys against the mirror get up to switch, Donghyuck makes it a point to avoid Mark’s stare, choosing to look at his shoes in the mirror. Cleaning continues without a hitch, but Donghyuck wishes practice would just end. For days, he’s been holding back any jabs or remarks for fear of disrupting progress, but today, the irritation rides his every thought and word, rioting just at the tip of his tongue. One more incident and he might just let it rush out of him. He keeps it in check for now.</p><p>Dancing has always been a creative medium for him. His body is a brush and a canvas, endless possibilities for expression. But his problems with Mark are proving to become an increasingly difficult obstacle to ignore, and dancing it away isn’t going to keep him calm for long. He’s a ticking time bomb. </p><p>During their water break, Donghyuck is ambling over to his drawstring bag on the side when he feels Mark’s hand on his arm. “Hey, Hyuck. You okay?”</p><p>He glances over his shoulder. “Why wouldn’t I be?”</p><p>“I don’t know, but you seem kind of upset.” </p><p>“Do I now.” Donghyuck tries to sound pleasant. “You don’t need to worry about me.” </p><p>He licks his lips and pulls open his drawstring at the top. Fingers clammy, he turns the top of his water and takes his time drinking, ignoring that Mark is at a loss for words at his side. His grip tightens on the cold bottle. He can’t lose his cool now, not with the performance so close. </p><p>Mark’s words are hesitant. “Did I do something?” </p><p>“I think you know what you did.” </p><p>“Can you tell me? Because I don’t know.” He sounds perplexed.</p><p>On the side, farther down the bench, Yangyang is side eyeing them. No one else notices anything, either on their phones or stretching. Donghyuck looks just over Mark’s shoulder and catches Jeno’s vibrant blue hair, the way his muscles flex as he pulls on them over his head. It makes something in Donghyuck tick, and he can feel everything start to tornado. </p><p>When he looks at Mark again, it confuses him. Mark is worried, innocently and genuinely concerned, and a part of Donghyuck (his soft side, probably) wilts a little. He feels weak to it. But at the same time, he doesn’t owe Mark any kind of sympathy. </p><p>“Don’t worry. I’m sure I’ll get over it.” Donghyuck sounds serene, edged with something dark. </p><p>Mark doesn’t believe him, and if Donghyuck knows anything about Mark, it’s that he’s persistent. “Why can’t you just tell me? </p><p>“What’s done is done. Just let me get through this competition and then maybe we’ll talk.”</p><p>“Wouldn’t it be better to just get it over with now?” </p><p>“I don’t think you can take it, <em> Minhyung </em>.” Donghyuck clamps his mouth shut, afraid to say anything further. “I’m going to refill my water. Don’t follow me.” </p><p>He pushes past Mark, but he can already hear the other boy trailing behind him. <em> Fucking typical </em>. The door slams open as Donghyuck bursts out of the practice room and hastily walks to the water fountain, dangling water bottle cap banging against his leg. </p><p>Mark whirls him around and he snaps.</p><p>“I think you might need to check your ears because apparently you didn’t hear me the first time.” Donghyuck is speaking low and fast. “Leave me <em> alone </em>.” </p><p>“Can you just talk to me? What’s wrong?” Mark and his stupid round eyes.</p><p>“I promise you, you’re gonna want to save this until after South Dance.” </p><p>“What the hell did I do?” Mark’s voice is raised, all of his features pulled into his face. “Why are you upset with me?” </p><p>“Honestly, it doesn’t even matter. It’s so trivial.” Donghyuck laughs bitterly. </p><p>Mark looks even more confused. Donghyuck spells it out for him. </p><p>“You lied to me about Jeno. Why?” </p><p>The realization of it all slams into Mark. “<em> Donghyuck </em>. I was going to tell you.”</p><p>“Sure you were. Don’t lie to me now, Mark.” Donghyuck stares him down. “Why couldn’t you give me the same courtesy as everyone else? Because apparently the others knew.” </p><p>“I’m sorry.” Mark sighs, face scrunched. “I don’t know why I didn’t just tell you.” </p><p>“You had several chances to tell me, by the way. Like all the times I asked you.” </p><p>“I know that. I just—I really…” Mark has crimson pooling at his ears. “I didn’t know how to tell you.” </p><p>“A good ‘Hey, I’m dating Jeno’ is perfectly acceptable.” </p><p>“It’s not that easy. It’s not.” Mark is shaking his head frantically. </p><p>“What’s so hard about telling the truth, Mark? Or is it just that easy to lie to me?”</p><p>“No! That’s not it.” Mark pins eyes on Donghyuck, feeling a little dash of bravery. “And just so you know, I don’t have to tell you everything.” </p><p>“You’re right, you don’t.” Donghyuck is standing tall, in his element. “But I have every right to question you. Not about Jeno, but about the lying. Why did you lie to me about what you were doing? I can take a little rejection.” </p><p>“It’s not about that, Hyuck.” </p><p>“Enlighten me then.” Donghyuck raises eyebrows. </p><p>Something shifts in Mark, the flames that were eating him before flaring his confidence. Gritting his teeth, he steels his gaze. “Why are you always picking on me? Maybe I didn’t tell you because you’re always such an asshole around the guys I date.” </p><p>“Oh, shut up. It’s not like Jeno doesn’t know about it.” </p><p>Mark steps forward. “Maybe you’re just upset because you missed your chance to pick on me. Jeno knows everything about me already, so you have nothing to hold against me.” </p><p>“I may like picking on you, but this goes beyond our usual Tom and Jerry act.” </p><p>“Tell me. Why are you always so shitty when I meet a new guy?” </p><p>“Because they could do better than you. Someone has to tell them.” </p><p>He almost regrets saying it. </p><p>Mark steeps hurt in his dark, round eyes, boiling inside. “How can you <em> say </em> that?” </p><p>“Don’t act surprised, hyung. You know me well enough.” </p><p>“I <em> really </em> wish I didn’t know you.” </p><p>Something in that statement presses a blade up against the soft side of Donghyuck’s resolve. Mark is still, breaths coming fast, muscles tensed in front of him. He looks like he might regret it, wavering in his stance, but his lips are pressed in a hard line. </p><p>“Be careful what you wish for, Mark.” </p><p>Donghyuck tries not to shake as he shoves past the boy. The impact makes his bruised shoulder flare in pain, but he conceals the wince as he keeps going. </p><p>There is no one chasing after him this time.</p><p> </p><p>✌✌</p><p> </p><p>Their argument affects the friend group dynamics. It’s ironic to Donghyuck, almost laughable, because Jeno and Mark’s reason for keeping things quiet was to avoid this very scenario. </p><p>They hang out in small groups. No one seems to have picked sides besides Jeno, but that one isn’t a surprise, regardless of the situation. It’s one of the things Donghyuck figures Mark likes about the boy; he’s faithful and listens well. If Donghyuck was feeling particularly dark, he would say it’s all a part of Mark’s idealistic expectations for his dream partner: someone who would roll over for him, not someone who deals cuts and bruises with his words.</p><p>But that’s another issue entirely. Sometimes late into the evening, when the hours crawl into the early morning, Donghyuck asks himself if he overreacted. Renjun is of the opinion that Donghyuck can feel whatever he wants; it’s all about how he handles it and what he does with it. Chenle told him this was a long time coming, especially since Donghyuck has always been unusually cruel to Mark. Jaemin had lamented that being lied to is pretty shit, but he thinks Mark has his reasons; he remains the most neutral of the group. Jisung had looked at Donghyuck and asked him what about it made him the angriest.</p><p>Of all his friends and their advice, Jisung’s question lingers in his subconscious like some daily horoscope in a trashy magazine. <em> What about it makes me the angriest?  </em></p><p>So, when he can’t sleep, head cushioned by his pillow, Donghyuck lets himself mull it over. For the first time in a while, he inspects himself. He’s angry that Mark played him for a fool. Donghyuck had put his trust in someone, something he doesn’t do often, and he ends up crushed by his faith. They’ve been friends for years, bound by Donghyuck’s love for bothering Mark and Mark’s tendency to become overly fond, even for someone like Donghyuck. Not once in their three years of friendship has Mark kept up lies as adamantly as he did for this. For Jeno. </p><p>Donghyuck has been here the whole time, but Mark chose someone else. And maybe that’s what hurts the most. </p><p>This thought, the one that Donghyuck only churns through in the depths of his shabby comforter, is where he shuts off for the night. </p><p>He isn’t ready for what any of it means. He isn’t ready to forgive Mark.</p><p> </p><p>✌✌</p><p> </p><p>Stacks of long days flip over into a week, and then they only have one full week left before the South Dance competition. </p><p>Sicheng and Ten choose not to say anything, for now. Everyone on Resonance knows about the situation, so they’re treading lightly to avoid stepping on landmines. Donghyuck and Mark are cleaned together to avoid one picking on the other, the one thing that can be controlled by Sicheng. Outside of that, they avoid each other on their own. Donghyuck spends time talking to the others, namely Sungchan and Yangyang. Mark obviously spends most of his breaks with Jeno, but he lingers with the others on occasion. </p><p>The divide between them persists. Donghyuck thinks it’s their longest fight.</p><p>Resonance still holds weekly workshops despite the weight of daily practices and competition anxiety. After this week’s workshop, Donghyuck sits on a bench alone, standing within the vicinity of the members, but distant enough that he is only steeping in their conversations. He lets the sounds of their laughter and excited chatter pass him by like rushing water, slicing into him and splashing. His muscles are tensed and sore from dancing and fending off the cold winter, bundled with his hood over his head and his puffer coat cocooning him. </p><p>Renjun breaks off and goes up to him. His cheeks are red and his breaths puff out. “Walk with me to get tea.”</p><p>After Mark, Renjun is Donghyuck’s next closest friend. They’ve been living together since they were paired as random roommates in freshman year, and years of camaraderie built on dried sweat and the craft of dance keeps them close knit. That, and their instant connection, the way they understood each other from the start. </p><p>Donghyuck knows exactly what this is: Renjun wants to talk about Mark. </p><p>After getting the tea, they walk to a small courtyard, encased in four directions by buildings. A few benches decorate the sides, and Renjun picks the one next to a skinny tree. Donghyuck drops down next to him, ass hitting cold stone. </p><p>Renjun goes straight into it. “You already know what I wanna talk about.”</p><p>“I don’t know, maybe you should lay it out for me. Or we can talk about you.” Donghyuck deflects.</p><p>“Not today, buddy. I didn’t leave my boyfriend back there to paint nails and gossip.” </p><p>“Oh, Jaemin is your boyfriend now, huh?” Donghyuck slides an easy smile on his face, tilting his head. “Cute.” </p><p>Renjun purses his lips and smacks him. “Stop distracting me. Tell me about Mark.” </p><p>“What is there to say? We don’t even breathe in each other’s direction.” </p><p>“Okay.” Renjun thinks about this, looking at the concrete. “Are you still mad at him?” </p><p>“You should ask him. He told me he doesn’t wanna be friends anymore.” </p><p>“Stop being snide and elaborate.” </p><p>“I just don’t think this will get us anywhere, Junnie. I’m mad, he’s mad, and that’s it.”</p><p>Donghyuck kicks his sneakered feet out. Renjun’s face is stony. “Talk to me about that.”</p><p> A frustrated sigh. “He’s fed up with me. I’m mad that he lied.”</p><p>“And?” Renjun probes.</p><p>“And,” Donghyuck throws a leaf that falls on his lap. “I’m just upset about the whole thing.” </p><p>“The whole thing?”</p><p>“The whole thing.”</p><p>Renjun squints at his tea before taking a long sip. “Do you mean...Mark and Jeno being together?”</p><p>“I mean. That and the situation itself.” Donghyuck looks at Renjun, face numb from the chill. </p><p>There are only gears whirring. “So Mark and Jeno being together bugs you.” </p><p>“It’s not what you’re thinking.”</p><p>“But what am I thinking?” Renjun blinks at his cup before turning to look at his friend. </p><p>Donghyuck scoffs. “Playing mind games is fun for you, isn’t it?” </p><p>“Only with you.” Renjun reaches out and pats Donghyuck’s cheek. “But back to my question.”</p><p>Donghyuck is silent, pretending that the icy breeze ripping through them is making him lose focus of the conversation. He doesn’t want to admit something and have Renjun jump all over it like an overeager child. </p><p>“Well?” </p><p>“You think I’m jealous. But I’m not.” </p><p>“Really?.” Renjun drinks more of his tea. “Why do you care so much about Mark and Jeno being together?” </p><p>The question throws Donghyuck back into his room, back onto his shabby comforter and the weaning night. His thoughts flash like Las Vegas lights on the strip right at the back of his eyes, but he very much is not ready to read out the truth. </p><p>“I mean,” Renjun stomps on some leaves, the crunch sounding like shattered ice. “You always say Mark drops his boys fast. So for all we know, Jeno might be on the outs by tomorrow.” </p><p>“Or he could be long term.”</p><p>“That could be said about the others. Jongin from a few weeks ago—” Renjun whistles low, pulling his tea close to his mouth. “—that man would’ve been long term with me.”</p><p>“I should let Jaemin know how you feel.” </p><p>That earns him a punch to the gut. </p><p>“Anyway, back to my point.” Renjun glares, even more menacing than before. “Jeno is just another one of the boys in Mark’s endless catalogue. So why care so much?”</p><p>“It’s because Jeno isn’t just another boy.” Donghyuck mumbles. </p><p>“He isn’t? Why? Because he’s known Mark longer than the others? Because he was Mark’s friend first before dating?” </p><p>Donghyuck grunts. “All of those. He has the best shot at this.” </p><p>“Interesting. And why do you care if Jeno ends up being long term with Mark?” </p><p>They’ve rounded the bush, beat it to death, and Renjun has popped out of it to stick a mic straight at Donghyuck’s mouth. Donghyuck, however, still doesn’t want to articulate.</p><p>“I...can’t really pinpoint why.” He says dumbly.</p><p>“Okay, then let’s look at it differently.” Renjun is sounding more and more like a guidance counselor for elementary school children and Donghyuck wants to punch him. “Let’s say they end up together. What would that make you feel?” </p><p>“I don’t know.” </p><p>“Happy? Sad? Angry?” Renjun lists, hands pressed into his hot tea cup. </p><p>Donghyuck frowns. “Unsettled?”</p><p>“What a choice of word. Unsettled? Why unsettled?” Renjun looks at Donghyuck, to which the boy responds by sticking his tongue out. “Mark has always been a romantic. He loves that perfect partner, forever soulmate type of story.” </p><p>Donghyuck feels the discomfort strangling his insides. He’s bouncing his right leg as he tries to sink deeper into his coat. “It’s not a good fit.” </p><p>“They’re not a good fit together? I mean,” Renjun purses his lips. “They’re pretty similar, and they get along well. From a glance, they seem like a great fit.” </p><p>“But I don’t think they are.” Donghyuck pushes out. He sighs and the white puffs out with it. “It’s just like. It’s Jeno.” </p><p>“Jeno is exactly Mark’s type.” Renjun deadpans. </p><p>“Yeah, I know, he’s shredded and he looks like he could and would save twenty children from a burning building.” Donghyuck waves off the notion hastily. “But something about them being together...I don’t see it.” </p><p>“And...is there someone else you think is better?” </p><p>“Nope.” Donghyuck shuts it down, heat rising at his collar.</p><p>“Well, then let Mark make his mistake. If you believe they’re not meant to be, then it won’t happen. If it does, then you’re just wrong.” </p><p>Renjun continues drinking his damn tea. Donghyuck turns his body entirely to face him. “This doesn’t help me understand anything.”</p><p>“Well, what’s confusing? You seem to know exactly how you feel right?” Renjun carefully looks over Donghyuck’s face. </p><p>Donghyuck blanks. “Yeah. I do.” </p><p>A noncommittal noise reverberates from Renjun as he holds up his tea to his chin. Donghyuck relaxes; he didn’t realize his shoulders were tensed up before. </p><p>“Then again…” Renjun quietly trails, a lilt to his voice. “Your reaction...you said you were...unsettled?” </p><p>“I hate you, Huang.” </p><p>“Answer my question from earlier.” </p><p>“Which one, doctor? There were so fucking many.” Donghyuck rolls his eyes, leaning all the way back against the bench.</p><p>Renjun barks out a laugh. “Why do you care so much about Jeno and Mark? You told me you think they’re wrong together, but why do you care enough to think about it?” </p><p>Oh, Donghyuck knows. It’s practically staring at him in the face, an illusion forcibly projected by his mind. It’s written in his cells and plastered all over his conscience like missing persons posters, only instead the posters are asking for help finding Donghyuck’s will to admit that—</p><p>“You’re jealous, aren’t you?” </p><p>Denial is easy. “I said no already. Why the hell would I be jealous?” </p><p>“You tell me.” Renjun sighs into his drink like he’s some exhausted middle aged man coming back from his office job. “You tell me.”</p><p>Silence returns to sweep up the last bits of their conversation. The prompt remains, scattered in the ghostly breaths that escape from their mouths. And Donghyuck is just building up the courage to say it because it scares him. It’s terrifying, paralyzing, to admit a truth that he’s been dodging. At the same time, though, the truth is broken because it’s useless. Even if he manages to admit it to himself, which he hasn’t done let alone admit to someone else, what is he going to do with it?</p><p>Maybe it is this reason, knowing that the truth holds no weight or power in changing anything, that gets Donghyuck to say it. </p><p>“I think I like Mark.” </p><p>Heat burns on his face. As he says the words, his heart is about to burst. There it is, plain as fucking day. Sound the bells, ride through the town, Donghyuck has a confession. </p><p>Renjun only makes a quiet noise. “Yeah.” </p><p>Donghyuck marvels. It’s out there for the world (Renjun) to hold onto for him. The moon is his witness, the four benches in this courtyard his jury. And Donghyuck is guilty of having feelings for his best friend, a taken man. </p><p>“I’m proud of you for finally saying it. We can go back now.” Renjun grins and stands.</p><p>Donghyuck blinks. “Wait. You can’t just say ‘let’s go back’?” </p><p>“Why...not? It’s cold. You might be single, but I have a very warm boyfriend that can hold me.” </p><p>“You’re actually terrible.” </p><p>Renjun drops back down. “Okay, fine. But my work is done. I got you to admit, finally, that you’re in love with Mark.” </p><p>“<em> Hold </em> the fuck up. In love with Mark is not the same thing as me liking him. And what do you mean finally?” </p><p>Renjun rolls his eyes. Annoying prick. “You’re the most dense block of cement I’ve ever met. It was so obvious, I was just waiting for you to realize.” </p><p>“I can’t believe this.” Donghyuck groans into his knees, sounding like a man who has just discovered he has a terminal disease. “I actually like Mark.” </p><p>Renjun grins at this. “Now you can figure out what you wanna do with it.” </p><p>“I don’t know what to do. And how is this going to help the current situation?” </p><p>“Well,” Renjun shrugs. “You could explain to him why you were mad. Collect his apology again and go on with your lives.” </p><p>“But that means confessing.” Donghyuck mumbles.</p><p>Renjun nods, drinking from his tea. “Yeah. Yep.” </p><p>“I literally just found out I like him?”</p><p>“Rip the bandaid off quickly. Or, maybe Mark will kiss the wound.” Renjun shrugs, cradling his cup close to his chest. “You never know.” </p><p>“That sounds like you’re telling me to become a homewrecker.” </p><p>Renjun shivers, breathing out loudly. “Okay, look. If you ask me, I think you should just be honest with Mark and confess. It’ll fix your friendship if he knows the true reason, and you’ll be rid of this secret.” </p><p>Donghyuck can only stare at the bulges of his puffer coat. He thinks about the idea of confession; he’s never done that before. Another terrifying prospect, just like with apologizing. He doesn’t do those things. For someone so good with words, he struggles with speaking about the difficult things. </p><p>Renjun gets up. He jumps around to warm up his legs before stepping in front of Donghyuck. “Listen, Hyuck, I’m not pressuring you to do anything.”</p><p>“Sure.” </p><p>“No, I’m serious.” Renjun looks at him dead on. “What you do is up to you and I support whatever. Do it when you’re comfortable, drag it on if you want to. It’s fine.” </p><p>Donghyuck waits for more, raising his eyebrows. “But?” </p><p>“But,” Renjun gulps. “It’s Mark’s last year. And we only have so many performances and hangouts left with him. Do you really want to waste your time avoiding him?” </p><p>There’s nothing to say to that. It’s a heavy thing to bring up, like glimpsing the tip of the iceberg. Mark graduating has always been an underlying thought, influencing the decisions of the boys in the friend group and Mark’s own decisions; they hung out more consistently this year, studied together just to see each other, took more spontaneous trips to get food. </p><p>It’s sad to see someone go. Donghyuck licks his chapped lips and sighs. </p><p>“Not to be a downer, but yeah.” Renjun almost whispers. </p><p>Donghyuck chortles. “You definitely accomplished that.”</p><p>He gets kicked in the shin. Donghyuck kicks back. Renjun’s tea cup jostles and some of the tea splashes out onto the concrete. It leaves a splatter mark. </p><p>“You do what you need to, for your sake and his.” Renjun waves his cup like he’s surveying land. </p><p>Donghyuck doesn’t know if he knows what’s best for either him or Mark.</p><p> </p><p>✌✌</p><p> </p><p>The worst of it passes, and Donghyuck settles into everything like sitting in a hot tub; it’s still hot, but he’s gotten used to it. Everything has become more clear, especially with the admittance that he likes Mark.</p><p>It’s the last full week of practices. For now, his only focus has to be dance. </p><p>They’ve reached a neutral state of being at dance practices. Speaking to each other is still something to work on. The tension has dissipated with their labored breaths and sweaty faces, leaving an open field between them. There is only uncertainty and hesitance left behind. </p><p>They’re too focused on the competition, though. It isn’t the right time to pull Mark aside and talk about things, if Donghyuck even wants to do that. They can set aside whatever personal conflict is going on for later, for the sake of the team and the win. And they definitely want to win. </p><p>Donghyuck doesn’t know what to do once the competition is over. With that out of the way, the only thing left to do is deal with his problems. </p><p>Mark is an open book, but Donghyuck keeps most of his emotional stuffing inside, sewn up in tight stitches. Speaking words about emotions never made sense to him; you can’t possibly explain all the intricacies of what someone feels. </p><p>But maybe Mark will get it. Of all their years of friendship, Mark might be one of the only people to decipher Donghyuck’s clunky feelings. </p><p>This last full week of practices is grueling for more reasons than Donghyuck had anticipated.</p><p> </p><p>✌✌</p><p> </p><p>The day before South Dance, they have a dress rehearsal.</p><p>The outfits aren’t supposed to be anything extravagant or elaborate; they’re all wearing essentially the same thing, all black outfits with the black Resonance baseball jersey. For the nineties era hip hop group specifically, they had decided to accessorize with white bandanas and the black Resonance team caps from retreat. </p><p>When Donghyuck walks into the designated practice room for the day, he catches the eye of Ten and Sicheng, who are sitting on the floor.</p><p>“Damn, look at my little.” Ten’s grin spreads wide on his face. “Looks good.” </p><p>“Always.” Donghyuck quips, dropping down next to Ten on the floor.</p><p>It was easy to throw the clothes together. It’s a loose black long sleeve under his unbuttoned team jersey and some black joggers. Donghyuck has the black Resonance cap on his head, the bill facing forward.</p><p>“Where’s your bandana?” Sicheng juts his chin. </p><p>Donghyuck slowly extracts a hand from his pocket, revealing white cloth. “I don’t know how to wear it.” </p><p>Ten yanks the bandana out of his fingers. “Lemme help you.”</p><p>He tries different things. He considers it tucked into Donghyuck’s waistband or around Donghyuck’s forehead. When he asks if Donghyuck would wear it around his neck, the boy shakes his head, whining about it being too hot. Sicheng suggests putting it on the wrist. </p><p>The bandana is laid on the wood floor to be rolled, Ten’s careful fingers on it. Donghyuck is leaning back on the palms of his hands, legs splayed out under the bright room lights. </p><p>“So...how are you?” Ten tries. </p><p>“I’m alright. You?” Donghyuck looks at him. </p><p>Ten shrugs, folding the bandana. “Could be better...I can’t wait for this to be done with.” </p><p>“I agree.” Sicheng lifts a hand without taking his eyes away from his laptop screen. He’s watching their last dance practice video. “I miss when I didn’t have to lead pieces.” </p><p>“Me too.” Ten laughs out loud. He tucks the last corner under. </p><p>It falls silent. Sicheng keeps replaying the same part in the practice video, leaning closer to squint at the screen. No doubt he’ll bring up things to fix today, even if it’s supposed to be a relatively lax practice. Ten asks for Donghyuck to stick his arm out so he can tie the bandana. </p><p>It’s soft against his wrist. “Did you and Mark make up?” He mumbles.</p><p>The pause is telling. “No, we haven’t.”</p><p>“Didn’t talk about it yet?”</p><p>“We’ve been too busy with dance and school, so there’s no time.”</p><p>“There’s always time, Hyuckie.” Ten pauses his tying to bat Donghyuck’s cap. “You make the time, even if it’s hard.” </p><p>“He’s right.” Sicheng pipes up from behind Ten, taking a second to look at Donghyuck. </p><p>Donghyuck scoffs. “Nice to know I’m being double teamed here.” </p><p>“I’m just saying. You know, yeah, you don’t wanna make it awkward during practice, but...it’s okay if that’s what happens.” Ten says softly, tugging on the ends of the bandana.</p><p>Donghyuck twists his wrist to make sure it’s secure. He likes it. “I guess.” </p><p>“Your friendship is more important than a stupid competition.” Ten smiles secretly. “You guys can yell at each other all you want, if that’s what it takes. Sicheng won’t mind.”</p><p>“Sicheng won’t mind what?” Sicheng pushes his back. Ten cackles into the empty room.</p><p>The others trickle in as the clock ticks closer to practice time. Sungchan and Yangyang walk in together, coming to join the other three on the floor. Sungchan is wearing black cargo pants and white sneakers, a similar black long sleeve under his partially buttoned jersey. The bandana hangs out of his pants pocket. Yangyang has the bandana around his neck like a cowl, wearing black under his jersey, and black sweats.  </p><p>Jeno walks in next, but he’s alone; usually Mark drives both of them to practices.</p><p>“Where’s Mark?” Ten inquires. </p><p>“I don’t know. I think he had something to do before.” Jeno shrugs, face carefully neutral.</p><p>Jeno has the bandana tied around his bicep, black cap pulled down snug. Like the others, he sports all black, but his cargo pants taper at his ankles. Wordlessly, he drops down next to Sungchan.</p><p>Everyone begins stretching on their own. Donghyuck has one leg out, hands reaching for it, when the practice room door bangs open and he startles.</p><p>Panting, Mark makes a lot of noise as he rushes in. His cheeks have a faint rosy color to them, chest rising and falling rapidly to catch his breath. Everyone acknowledges him in some way as he drops his stuff down and pulls off his coat. </p><p>“Sorry I’m late. I overslept.” Mark’s ears grow red as he looks down at the ground, dropping into a stretch.</p><p>Ten reaches a hand to pat Mark’s head. “You’re still on time, no worries.” </p><p>“He should’ve been here earlier as a captain.” Sicheng chides, but he’s smiling as he says it.</p><p>“Hey, hey! Both of you answer to me, and I say it’s fine.” Ten shoves Sicheng’s shoulder, making him sway. </p><p>While they joke around, Mark is stretching his arms. He makes everything else blur away, like Donghyuck is wearing binoculars, his gaze on just the details of Mark’s face. Sleepy eyes, smooth lips, weathered skin. His breath halts on an inhale.</p><p>But he turns away before he can let himself think. Donghyuck fixates on the top of his shoes for the rest of the stretching period. </p><p>They start their last practice as a group. Later tonight, they’ll see each other again with the rest of Resonance for a final run through of the entire set, all three songs. The final piece will be a big one, all twenty three members, and it has to be perfect. They can only hope their hard work will pay off at the competition; all of the pressure that has slowly built over the days and weeks is starting to reach boiling point. Donghyuck rides his nerves out in this practice.</p><p>After two full times of doing the entire dance, recorded on Ten’s phone, Sicheng lets them get water. “We’ll go over details again after Ten and I look at the video and then we might be done.” </p><p>As they disperse, Donghyuck eyes the way Mark is rubbing his shoulder. He pushes down the curiosity. Mark’s lucky sports wristband, blindingly white against the black jersey, is snug on his left wrist. </p><p>Even though the big performance is tomorrow, and there is more dancing to come later that evening, everyone seems to be in good spirits. Donghyuck feels the same, even if he knows there are other issues to handle afterwards; the competition can no longer be an excuse. </p><p>The hour goes by quickly. Sicheng reminds them to keep formations tight one last time before he officially ends practice.</p><p>Donghyuck is the first to leave. Frigid air blasts all the warmth from practice, making him breathe out sharply as he exits the recreation center. Winter is at its peak in January, fleeting icy winds and slick roads in the morning. The early evening sky is bleary swatches of vibrant colors, but the loud orange accenting purples and blues tells Donghyuck that tomorrow will be even colder. He shivers into the tall collar of his puffer coat, hoping he won’t die on his way home. </p><p>But something clear rings out behind him, making him stop. “Wait!”</p><p>Mark is panting, the red on his cheeks and ears almost a permanent fixture. It might be deprivation or the dreamy goggles that Donghyuck dons with his newfound feelings, but he finds himself taken aback by how pretty Mark really is. Even with sweat clinging and molding his jet black locks, a little dry from past bleaches, the boy standing in front of him moves mountains, slows the earth’s spin, makes the sun hide below the horizon. Mark draws people to him in his own goofy way, with his cute faces and hard-hitting punches of laughter that ring out like a fire truck down the street.</p><p>And it comes down to the little facial movements and gestures, the way Mark will bounce and shift on his feet while he’s listening to people talk, his random moments of awe at the smallest, dumbest things. His passion for dance, which was apparent from their first conversation, is as strong as his loyalty to his friends, even if Donghyuck feels burned by it now. Of course, Mark is by no means perfect; his temper is nasty fueled by his pettiness, he gets awkward at things that aren’t that serious, he likes to pick on little things too often. But then Donghyuck thinks all of Mark’s flaws outline his good points in stark black for clarity. </p><p>All of it makes Mark so beautiful. Donghyuck can’t breathe it in all at once. </p><p>Maybe it is the deprivation, and the sudden close proximity they find themselves in now. It’s like floating suspended only to be sucked in fast, going down the drain in a whirlpool. </p><p>“Hey. Uh,” Mark is doing the thing, shifting his weight. “Hi.” </p><p>“Hi.”</p><p>Mark is gulping. His fingers play with the wristband. “So. I just...sorry, do you need to go somewhere?”</p><p>Donghyuck knows Mark when he’s like this. But everything is fresh now, like the crisp air. “No, I have nothing.” </p><p>The disparity between how frequently they spoke before the argument and now is like spring in full bloom and the dead of winter back to back. Donghyuck feels like the wind has been knocked out of him. </p><p>“Oh, okay. That’s good.” Mark clears his throat. He’s looking down, afraid to meet eyes. </p><p>Donghyuck feels his resolve soften. It melts in the way Mark is pursing his lips and looking at his wristband intensely. He missed him so much. The feeling is too strong for him to chide himself for being such a sucker. </p><p>Mark looks at him, and he thinks he might pass out. “I want you to wear this.” </p><p>Donghyuck’s mind blanks. “What?”</p><p>“Wear this tomorrow. At the performance.” </p><p>“Wear...your lucky wristband?” </p><p>“Yes. Please. I want you to wear it.” Mark is sliding his wristband off. “I know it’s sudden and you’re probably still mad, but...it would mean a lot to me.” </p><p>Puzzled, Donghyuck stares at the object for a moment. Mark always wears it for performances; it has never been somewhere that isn’t Mark’s wrist. It’s not Mark’s last competition or performance by far. None of this makes sense.</p><p>“If you don’t want to, it’s fine.” Mark is flushing deeper, his ears burning up. “I understand. I get that we’re not doing well right now, but. I thought I would give it a—“</p><p>“I’ll wear it.” </p><p>It comes out a little hesitant, like Donghyuck is trying not to scare him. But once he hears it for himself, he knows he wants to.</p><p>“You—really?” Mark’s eyes become rounder. “Seriously?”</p><p>“I didn’t just say that to say it.” </p><p>Mark flusters. “Right. Okay. Well...” </p><p>Mark pushes the wristband further out, right in front of him, and Donghyuck takes it with careful fingers. Glancing at the other boy’s expression, he slides it on his left wrist, same as Mark would do. It’s soft, brushing against the dry skin on Donghyuck’s wrist. Seeing it on him and not on Mark is a little strange, but it feels good.</p><p>When he looks up, he doesn’t expect the smile slowly spreading on Mark’s face. It’s completely instinctual, a reaction to the wristband on Donghyuck’s arm, and it makes Donghyuck feel like he’s been punched in the gut.</p><p>“I’m glad I asked you. I just—yeah. I’ve always, uh, wanted to ask.” Mark trails, scratching the back of his head.</p><p>It’s awkward again. Mark is looking away, unsure of how to end the conversation, and Donghyuck doesn’t know what to do next. He’s barely processing that Mark has always wanted him to wear the wristband. </p><p>He pushes his hand back into his coat pocket. “I have to go. It’s really cold.” </p><p>“Okay.” Mark nods, pulling his own coat in tighter. “Sorry I kept you outside. And for bothering you.”</p><p>“No…it’s fine.” Donghyuck sniffs. “But Mark.” </p><p>“Yeah?” </p><p>Something happens. Mark is looking at him, waiting with those disks for eyes. Donghyuck was just going to say anything, something like thank you or I’ll wear it, hyung, whatever. But the urge overwhelms him, maybe a drop of courage, and he thinks he has nothing to lose anymore. Friends or not, he’ll take his chances.</p><p>“Let’s talk tomorrow. After the competition. I have something to tell you.”</p><p>Mark is blinking in surprise. His lips curve upwards. “Yeah, okay. Tomorrow.”</p><p>“Tomorrow.”</p><p>Donghyuck finally breathes. </p><p> </p><p>✌✌</p><p> </p><p>The venue for this year’s South Dance is an hour by car, and Donghyuck runs on adrenaline the entire way there.</p><p>His carpool, driven by Renjun and shared with Sungchan and Shotaro, takes off after his classes. He doesn’t know why he went to class in the first place though, because with the anticipation of the competition, coated and submerged in his anxiety about confronting Mark, he barely paid attention to anything. Something mildly uncomfortable presses on all four sides of his ribcage, writhing its way into his stomach. The nerves flare with every bounce of Renjun’s car on the highway and the clogged pores of traffic. He’s on autopilot as the others talk about their competitors from other universities, talking just enough to get him by. Donghyuck’s mind is too preoccupied with figuring out what the fuck to say to Mark when the time comes. It’s a jumbled mess up in his head.</p><p>The white wristband is a rock in his jacket pocket. </p><p>When they arrive, they’re right on time, courtesy of Renjun’s decent sense of responsibility. The university was meticulous with preparing an organized parking system to direct traffic and separate cars carrying dancers from cars carrying their own students. Donghyuck jumps out of the parked vehicle, feeling slightly claustrophobic. Renjun gives him a look. </p><p>“You good?” He locks his car. </p><p>“Never been better.” </p><p>The meeting location for the team is right in front of the auditorium, next to the oddly shaped bush near the trash can. Specific and weird, but it does the job. All of Resonance is huddled together in their black outfits and caps, but so are several other dance teams meeting outside. </p><p>While Taeyong checks them in, Donghyuck sags down onto the ground with several other members of his team, leaning gratefully against Renjun’s side. They’re all talking about the other teams they saw outside, buzzing excitedly on the high of rumors and favorite dancers, but Donghyuck is too busy playing a weird game of chicken with himself: he stares at Mark from afar. If Mark notices, Donghyuck immediately looks away. </p><p>Donghyuck has almost never been nervous at competitions, but having the Mark dilemma burrowed into his conscience like a tapeworm is proving to be inconvenient; all of his emotional control and confidence is shot. There’s a first time for everything, he supposes. </p><p>They’re going to be performing near the end of the order of performers. Taeyong asks everyone to stay close to the auditorium though, just in case. Yangyang and Hendery want to go watch the other competitors dance, and when offered to join them, Donghyuck immediately takes it up.</p><p>Pressed against the back wall, invisible to the audience at least for now, Donghyuck learns that he’s a fidgeter when he’s nervous. He seriously cannot remember the last time he was truly anxious about performing or being in front of other people; weaving words is his superpower, being the best is his kryptonite. Confidence is a familiar hoodie on Donghyuck’s sloped shoulders, but today it isn’t so comfortable. </p><p>Like everything else situated in the universe, the performances must start and end. Time continues forward and Donghyuck is counting down to the inevitable, the moment it’ll be their turn. </p><p>By the time Taeyong comes into the auditorium to let them know they’ll be on deck after the next performance, Donghyuck is already walking out. </p><p>Backstage is cramped, everything painted black or draped in black fabric. The only light is coming from the stage lights. Donghyuck tries not to step on his teammates’ shoes as they shuffle like herded animals into the tight space. One of the staffers is loudly talking to Taeyong, giving the same spiel she probably gave to the other dance teams waiting in the wings. Everyone is trying to stay close, trying to contain the thrilling rush of anxiety and excitement coursing through them like a dangerous cocktail. </p><p>Donghyuck is staring adamantly at the space between Johnny’s shoulder blades when he feels someone press up to his side. </p><p>“Are you wearing it?” Mark is against Donghyuck’s side, familiar. </p><p>Donghyuck only lifts his left wrist in response. He hears Mark breathe out at the sight. The white wristband feels a little like staking a claim and a lot like being handcuffed. Donghyuck is spinning inside of his mind. Out in the auditorium, a roar of approval and several hollers accompany the thunderous applause. The current dance team, Daizies, is done with their set. After SKZ goes, Resonance is next. </p><p>“Hey, Hyuck?” </p><p>Hearing his name coming out of Mark’s mouth is a shock. Gulping, Donghyuck turns to look, afraid his heart might actually leap out of him. In the background, he hears SKZ holler and hoot as they chant their team cheer to get pumped up. </p><p>Mark has a hesitant smile. “Thanks again. I’m really happy you’re wearing it.” </p><p>“Why did you ask me to wear it?” Donghyuck ventures quietly. </p><p>The question is too reminiscent of their argument, and both of them know it. Donghyuck tastes something bitter on his tongue. </p><p>There’s a pause, a pocket of silence where Mark’s gaze flicks to look ahead at SKZ lining up in formation to start. The lights slowly dim, sliding down the brightness to gradually drown the stage in black for brief seconds. In this time frame, Donghyuck watches the light shutter out of Mark’s eyes. </p><p>“Is it okay if I tell you after we perform?” Mark asks, voice low enough it feels like a bass line. </p><p><em> After the performance. </em>So many firsts for Donghyuck, but he’s learned that everything hinges on the lasts. </p><p>“Okay.” </p><p>Lights full blast and everything is unmasked. Mark is washed in white gold just as the music starts to blast through the speakers and the bass takes hold of them, vibrating from toes to head. A smile Donghyuck hasn’t seen in a while is now facing him. He’s so close, enough that Donghyuck can see the stubble on his chin, the constellation of moles on smooth skin. </p><p>Mark makes him forget where he is. </p><p>An animalistic holler rips through the atmosphere. Cheering erupts from the auditorium and the roar is deafening in Donghyuck’s ears. SKZ never comes to fuck around. It’s disorienting, but suddenly, Donghyuck is being jostled and turned to face everyone, and Taeyong is barking out a motivating and slightly tearful speech. They’re about to go on. They’re seconds away.</p><p>All of the faces in front of him are different in their own way. Each person staring back has their own kaleidoscope of memories, twinkling and flitting in pretty colors. Donghyuck knows everyone so well on Resonance, holding onto their small habits and words that stick to him like sweat after practice. His internal portraits of his friends on this dance team have become so much more refined, and it hits him now that this wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t met Mark that day at workshop, if Mark hadn’t let him in.</p><p>Someone takes his hand, familiar. It’s warm, fingers not entirely slender but not knobby, and the thumb rubbing his own—</p><p>“Be proud, and do what you do best.” Taeyong is grinning, wide and happy. “Let’s bring home a trophy.” </p><p>Donghyuck yells with the rest of them. </p><p>And then they’re walking away from shadows and into the light. </p><p> </p><p>✌✌</p><p> </p><p>When they were crowned the winners, everyone was tumbling all over each other. </p><p>The thunderous cries and smattering of applause. Arms were swinging, fists were raised, fingers were grasping shirts and skin and faces and backs. Donghyuck distinctly remembers yelling, from both himself, his teammates, and the crowd. Faces frozen in pure ecstasy, mixed with relief and pride. Wide grins and open mouths. </p><p>Donghyuck couldn’t stop smiling. Sicheng had nearly suffocated him into a hug, Ten engulfing him as well. He was pulled away and pulled into someone else’s chest every so often, compressed and decompressed until he was losing equilibrium.</p><p>Dizzy, hazy, but euphoric. Donghyuck wouldn’t have his happiness any other way. </p><p>Walking out of the auditorium, Taeyong bouncing glittering gold all around the lobby from the way he’s holding the trophy at the front, Resonance walks in a large group towards the front doors. A rush of pride surges through Donghyuck like a shot of something up his veins, his lips pulling into a smile he can’t stop. The weeks of cleaning, meeting late into the evening to practice, feeling like his muscles might slide off his bones from exhaustion—all of it has paid off. He takes strides with a light bounce. </p><p>They huddle around in the cold outside, living in their victory for a little longer. Turning around, Donghyuck’s palms sweat as he picks through his team members’ faces, trying to find the right one. Everyone is talking at once, feeling celebratory after their victory. He hears Johnny and Ten talking about getting Korean barbecue to celebrate. Doyoung and Xiaojun are with Renjun, Chenle, and Taeil trying to talk about the performance, those stressful preparation memories becoming nostalgic and reminiscent. Yangyang rams into his side and asks if he wants to go eat with him and some others, but Donghyuck replies that he has something to do first. </p><p>“Have you seen Mark?” Donghyuck asks.</p><p>Yangyang looks at him for a moment, weighing what the question means. He doesn’t ask, thankfully. “Yeah, I think I saw him head to his car.” </p><p>There’s a smile and a pat before Yangyang shoves him in the right direction. </p><p>Stumbling a little, Donghyuck can see who he’s looking for: a black bobbing head, bent over to look for something in his car. The door is popped open and Mark is just standing there, busily searching. </p><p>Crossing the parking lot feels like forever. Donghyuck is thinking about what to say, cycling through laments of confusion and recitations of his confession. <em>What am I going to say? I like you, Mark. How do I say this right?</em> <em>Mark, I like you. </em>Donghyuck is past being embarrassed; he’s burning up all over from pure fear and expectancy. It’s happening, right now. This is it. His big finale. </p><p>His heart is beating so hard, he thinks he’s pulsating. “Hey.” </p><p>He knocks on the hood of the car. Mark startles and bangs his head on the roof, making Donghyuck wince with him. What a start to something that’ll only get more awkward. </p><p>“Hi.” Mark grimaces and rubs the back of his head. Donghyuck thinks he might die on the spot. “Where do you wanna...talk?” </p><p>“We can sit in your car, I guess.” </p><p>Mark shrugs before climbing in and shutting the driver’s side door. Donghyuck licks his lips before pulling open the passenger side door and sliding into the car. </p><p>The door bangs shut, and the rest of the world seems to disappear around them. Donghyuck can no longer hear people shouting and laughing, watching people walk past in silent laughter and quiet moving mouths. He’s acutely aware of his breathing, the way he’s boiling inside, mind melting from the heat. Something electric sparks on his skin. </p><p>Mark sniffles and his voice is too loud. “So.” </p><p>Donghyuck breathes deeply. “So.” </p><p>“What did you...want to tell me?” </p><p>“You first.” Donghyuck panics and deflects. He lifts his left wrist, which still has the white wristband. The skin under it feels warm and sweaty. “Why did you tell me to wear this?” </p><p>Mark contemplates the question, leaning back against the headrest. “I’ve always wanted it to be yours. Before everything happened. I just could never figure out how to ask.” </p><p>“Why?” </p><p>Donghyuck holds his breath as Mark looks at him again, lips painted by a loving hand with light. His black locks are flattened in an unflattering way, sweat holding the look together like gel, but somehow, it just makes Donghyuck feel something else pulsing in his chest. Mark raises a finger and taps on Donghyuck’s wrist, right over the white wristband. </p><p>“You’re the first person I think of when I think of dancing. It’s like, whenever I think about the team, you come to mind first.” Mark murmurs. “So...I want you to have it.” </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“Keep it. Don’t give it back.” Mark keeps going. “Wear it for me.” </p><p>“Is this about graduating?” </p><p>Mark turns away, looking forward through the dashboard, humming. “Maybe. But...it has more to do with what happened while we were arguing.” </p><p>Donghyuck waits, staring intently for an answer. There’s a breathy laugh and Mark turns glinting dark eyes on him, hesitant. </p><p>“Look…” He starts, fiddling with his fingers. “What I said when we were arguing...it’s not true. I was just mad. I’m sorry.” </p><p>Gulping, Donghyuck forces down the feeling lodged in his throat. “Okay.” </p><p>“You take jokes too far a lot of the time, but I can’t say you don’t care about me.” Mark continues softly.</p><p>Suddenly shy, Donghyuck stiffly shifts to face Mark, hands resting on the armrest. He doesn’t know how to respond, and he hopes Mark just keeps talking. </p><p>“We’ve had good and bad moments, but I don’t regret becoming your friend. And…” Mark gestures to the wristband. “I’m giving that to you because I don’t know...maybe I’m hoping you feel the same about me.” </p><p>“The same?” Donghyuck’s voice catches, rough. </p><p>“Well, like—” Mark is suddenly red. “You know. Like, I hope I’m just as important to you as you are to me.”</p><p>Donghyuck dips his head, trying to conceal the blush on his face. The conversation comes to a halt. Several cars pass them in their silence. Donghyuck rubs his fingers on the terry cloth of the wristband, staring at the clean white loops.</p><p>“What if I don’t wear it? Or I lose it?” </p><p>For some reason, Mark starts laughing a little. Donghyuck is bewildered, out of his element. It’s disorienting that Mark is acting normal and this time, <em> he’s </em> the one who’s nervous and unsure of what to say. </p><p>“I don’t think you’ll lose it.” There’s a glimmer in Mark’s eyes, under fanned lashes. “Would you really not wear it, though?” </p><p>Donghyuck feels way too hot in his Resonance jacket. The hood drapes over the back of his neck and it’s starting to feel like he’s suffocating. “No. I’ll wear it.” </p><p>“That’s what I thought.” Mark shifts in his seat, satisfied. “I trust you, Donghyuck.” </p><p>They’re quiet again, retreating back to their sides. They crossed the boundaries into no man’s land for a second, but the fear of the unknown, the uncertainty, pulls them back to safety. Donghyuck is racing through what to say, phrases flickering in front of him like flashcards. He has to say something. It’s his turn. </p><p>What is he going to say? </p><p>His mouth drops open, but nothing comes out. </p><p>Mark is looking at him, waiting. “Take your time. Uh, if you need it.” </p><p>The silence has long passed dramatic. It feels like a limp arm, awkwardly dragging. Donghyuck curses his inability to speak suddenly. He can feel the words just there, on his lips, but when he goes to say them, the fear holds him back. The big ‘what-ifs.’ His mind brings up Jeno and then he considers waving the white flag even though he’s already here.</p><p>Donghyuck stares out of the car, looking aimlessly at license plates and dirty speckled vehicles that need a wash. The sky is changing into watercolors, the sun making its descent behind clouds. Somewhere, his teammates are heading off to go eat. Donghyuck feels his phone vibrate in his pants, probably Renjun or Yangyang asking about dinner. </p><p>He looks down at his hands, which feel slimy from his nerves. The white wristband stares back at him, and suddenly Donghyuck realizes Mark has bequeathed him with something he never lets anyone else touch. Something that holds Mark’s wishes and dreams, something he has faith in to bring him luck. To give something that precious to Donghyuck, a person who is unabashedly abrasive and intense...</p><p>It gives him something to be distracted by. “Fuck.” </p><p>“Donghyuck?”</p><p>It’s silent. Donghyuck can hear Mark breathing steadily. </p><p>And then he looks at him. “Can I ask you something?” </p><p>“I never thought you would ever say that to me.” Mark jokes, but he waits.</p><p>Donghyuck takes his chance. “Why couldn’t you tell me about Jeno? Seriously.” </p><p>The silence feels too tightly gripped around them. Mark’s gaze wavers as he thinks, picking at something on his pants. “Honestly? It’s hard to explain.” </p><p>“Try.” </p><p>Mark breathes out from his nose and looks up, red splashes on his cheeks. Donghyuck feels antsy. </p><p>“Well,” Mark swallows. “It just felt like...like I was doing something wrong. Like it felt like I was...betraying you?” </p><p>“Betraying me?” </p><p>“I don’t know. I’m not really making sense.” Mark laughs awkwardly, scratching his face. “It’s the best way to explain it. It felt like I was doing something...wrong, I guess.” </p><p>Donghyuck lets the words sink in. He isn’t sure if it means Jeno is held at the same level as he is in Mark’s head, the best of friends, or if the <em> notion </em> of dating Jeno felt wrong. That would mean something else, something more complicated. </p><p>Mark continues, quietly looking at his steering wheel. “I ended things with Jeno.”</p><p>“<em> What? </em>” </p><p>“Yeah, I did.” Mark’s eyes are unreadable, but he shrugs. “I like Jeno a lot, but I don’t think I really like him like that.” </p><p>“Oh. I see.” Donghyuck is reeling, the news bouncing around in his head. </p><p>“It’s not because of you. We’re still friends, so nothing changes.” </p><p><em> Nothing changes. </em> </p><p>Donghyuck’s truth holds all of the power. It goes beyond him, lightning striking metal, and he feels it bubbling inside of him. A fizzy feeling. The sun has set farther, throwing rich orange and yellow into the sky. A coral pink rips through the vermillion; it’ll be another cold day tomorrow. Tomorrow will still come.</p><p>It’s now or never. </p><p>“Um…” Donghyuck curses under his breath. “I still hate that you lied.”</p><p>Mark nods, looking down. “Yeah. I understand. I’m sorry.” </p><p>“I don’t get close to people. You know that.” </p><p>There’s a noise of acknowledgement. Donghyuck dares to look, and when he meets Mark’s eyes, the words tumble out easier than he expects. “I’m sorry too, for saying what I said to you.”</p><p>His face is burning, probably as red as it feels hot. The words spoken make him feel stripped down, spit slick bones and bleeding muscle. Another first accomplished. It’s like when Mark was mad at him that day, stripping off Donghyuck’s thick skin with the blade of his words, except this time, Donghyuck has removed the exoskeleton himself. </p><p>Mark is still listening, so Donghyuck takes it as a sign to continue, breathing slow. “But I think I was upset because...I felt like you chose him over me. I was jealous.” </p><p>When he looks up, all he gets are the same things he’s always seen. Round eyes, swallowing him, taking in his every word. Mark is giving him his space, but showing he’s listening. </p><p>And Donghyuck finds the courage in himself to do it.</p><p>“Mark.” The name shakes coming out of his mouth. “I like you.” </p><p>Something molten makes its way down Donghyuck’s neck from behind his ears. He’s flushed at the crown of his head, feeling hot under his skin. He can’t breathe, airway clogged by the words he choked out. They play in his head like a broken tape. <em> I like you. I like you.  </em></p><p>He’s terrified. Mark isn’t saying anything, and he can’t bring himself to look. Maybe he’s already changed the world with his feelings out there for the right person to hear. It happened so fast. </p><p>“<em> Donghyuck </em>.” Mark sounds like he’s going to cry. “I—” </p><p>“You don’t have to say anything. You don’t have to answer me now. I just...that’s why. That’s why I was so upset—” </p><p>“No, Hyuck, that’s not—hold on.” Mark rubs hands over his face.</p><p><em> He’s going to reject me. </em>The embarrassment collars him like a glowing iron branding tool. Donghyuck wants to burn to ash. </p><p>Mark is blushing. “Hyuck, I’m...I don’t know what to say but it’s not because I’m rejecting you. I like you, too.”</p><p>Donghyuck wants to evaporate into the air. He looks at Mark, who has his head in his hands, failing to conceal the rosy tint of his face. Something swoops in his stomach and he thinks his heart might burst. Mark drops his hands and blinks absentmindedly before making a noise. </p><p>“Why am I so embarrassed?” It’s muffled by a groan. </p><p>“Join the party.” Donghyuck mutters. </p><p>This makes Mark laugh. Donghyuck thinks a part of him has floated off to space with the aliens and the stars because he feels lightheaded from all of this. Mark, eyes glinting and cheeks stained pretty red, shyly looks at him. Donghyuck hasn’t breathed for a long time. He doesn’t need to. </p><p>Mark’s voice is careful. “Donghyuck, I like you...” </p><p>“But?” </p><p>“But...I don’t know, I just ended things with Jeno.” Mark looks apologetic. “I’m not sure if I’m ready for something else.” </p><p>Donghyuck blinks. “That’s okay. I can just...wait?” </p><p>“I don’t want you to wait for me, though. There are other people out there for you.”</p><p>“I’ll still wait.” </p><p>“Donghyuck.” </p><p>“Mark.”</p><p>They’re staring each other down, Donghyuck finding new ground under his feet and Mark blinking at him with uncertainty. A moment, and Mark suddenly laughs. </p><p>“What? Why are you laughing?” Donghyuck probes.</p><p>Mark chases the last bits of laughter with a smile. “We still bicker even in times like this.” </p><p>Donghyuck laughs too, at the ridiculousness, the unspoken embarrassment between them, the heat. It’s reassuring, like no matter what happens, they’ll be just fine. Not that Donghyuck didn’t know that already. He would fight for it no matter what. </p><p>He’s not letting go. </p><p>“Take your time. I’ll wait for you.” Donghyuck starts, feeling new again. “Or we go on a date and if it sucks, then that’s that.” </p><p>Mark considers the idea. “We could try that.” </p><p>“Really? A date?” </p><p>“I mean, just one date. No promise rings or whatever.” </p><p>“I’m okay with that.” Donghyuck nods. “I hate rings. Fuck that.” </p><p>Mark snorts, but he’s smiling. Donghyuck wants to look forever. “What if the date is bad?” </p><p>“I’ll ask you out again.” </p><p>“What if I say no?”</p><p>“Well, the first date won’t be bad.” </p><p>Donghyuck is shoved and Mark is pink. </p><p>“Is that a promise?” Mark is blessed by the sun, crown of gold on his head.</p><p>“I don’t need to promise. I know it’ll be good.” Donghyuck sighs happily as he takes Mark’s hands, loosely twining their fingers together. “Since you’ll be there.” </p><p>The way Mark blushes darker makes it all worthwhile. </p><p><br/>
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  <strong>✌ EPILOGUE ✌</strong>
</p><p>The date was one of the most awkward dates Donghyuck has been on. But at the end of it, while Mark was dropping him off at his own apartment, he had pulled Donghyuck in by the collar to kiss him, and that made the date one of the best.</p><p>This time, when the days become weeks, Donghyuck holds onto them like the dispensed ticket strips at the arcade. They started out slow, going on dates here and there, not unlike Mark’s boy escapades. It stirs some anxiety, shallow insecurities about inadequacy or being like the others, but Donghyuck’s worries dissolve under Mark’s fingers and his laughter right in his ear. </p><p>Not that Donghyuck is keeping track (he is), but he knows he holds the record for longest boy Mark has ever dated. </p><p>They’re laying on Mark’s bed, a space that has been rewritten in Donghyuck’s mushy, lovesick mind. Mark is facing the desk, back and neck pressed against Donghyuck, humming softly to a song they were listening to earlier. The blue light of his phone washes out his face, filtering through his glasses. </p><p>Maybe it’s because it’s the crack of dawn, or the way Mark is so comfortably tucked into the spaces Donghyuck leaves for him, but he presses his mouth onto Mark’s neck, gentle, molding his lips there in that crook of soft skin. </p><p>“That tickles.” Mark scrunches his shoulder, hand reaching back to stop him. </p><p>Donghyuck hums into warm flesh. “You feel nice.” </p><p>A sigh pushes out from Mark’s lips.</p><p>They stay like that, slumped against each other, lazily trailing hands or shifting closer to grasp more warmth. Donghyuck’s eyes close as he feels Mark typing out texts, scrolling through social media. </p><p>He slides closer, lifting his face from Mark’s neck only to press a kiss just behind his ear. It elicits a shiver and Donghyuck is glowing from it. </p><p>“Hey. Mark hyung.” </p><p>Mark grunts in response, watching a video. </p><p>“Be my boyfriend.” </p><p>Donghyuck tenses slightly, suddenly nervous about the proposition. It’s been months of casual exclusive dating, but with no term slapped onto it. The gravity of it sets in, and when Mark puts down his phone, Donghyuck panics a little, like a shot through his heart. </p><p>“Okay.” </p><p>“Okay?” Donghyuck blinks as Mark shuffles and turns. </p><p>The bed creaks. It’s only a twin, but it bears the weight of two people, the size of two bodies. Mark is so close to him, all of his features filling Donghyuck’s vision. All he can see is Mark. Round eyes, bump on the nose, square chin, sparse moles, pretty lips. </p><p>Warm breaths. Mark squeezes his eyes close as Donghyuck gently pries his glasses off. He shifts his head closer, so close that Mark’s eyes, so round and vastly dark, are his only sight. Their noses touch. Mark has a hand climbing the side of Donghyuck’s neck.  </p><p>“You can’t take it back now.” Donghyuck mumbles against Mark’s mouth. </p><p>“You’re such a child.” </p><p>Mark kisses him anyway, slow and sweet. </p><p><br/>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Bonus:</p><p>Of all the boys he’s dated, Mark thinks Donghyuck stands alone.</p><p>He always thought he would end up with someone broad. Big. Someone who is larger than life. Someone who makes him feel like he’ll be heard and vaulted to the skies. He’d always dreamed of someone kind and warm. </p><p>The others were like that in their own ways. Donghyuck is all of those, subtle or outright. But he pushes Mark and that’s the difference. He challenges him when everyone else is too afraid to. The fights are still nasty and communication is a beast to slay, but when Mark needs someone, he knows Donghyuck is already there, locked and loaded. </p><p>Fire away. </p><p> </p><p>**</p><p>Aaaaand that's a wrap :) </p><p>I debated ending this on markhyuck friends but...I couldn't resist. Also if you dk what the seventh thing is, it's "you make me love you" :)) ty old disney channel lmao</p><p>This wasn't supposed to be a difficult fic to finish but it was a Journey. Also bless the wise Renjun for stepping in. </p><p>Ty for reading! Please leave kudos or a comment :&gt; it'll warm my soft pathetic heart hehe </p><p>twt: @sunflowers4hyck</p></blockquote></div></div>
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